Love Well

How will they know Him?

2011-04-29T16:55:00.000-05:00

   When my oldest daughter, Abigail, was less than a year old, I felt overwhelmed by the task of raising this little girl to know and love Jesus. It was my most earnest desire as a mother, but I felt a bit daunted by the weight of significance.

     At that time, we had a young man named Caleb living with us. I felt the Lord ask me “How does Abigail know Caleb?” She, of course, knew Caleb because he lived in our house. She saw him every day, she heard our conversations with him, she observed our interaction with him, she talked with him and played with him. His mere presence in our home meant that it would be pretty difficult for her not to know him. Of course, her knowledge of him and relationship with him differed from ours, since in her youth she lacked understanding in some of the things that we adults could know about one another. But nonetheless, she knew him, as well as she could know anyone, simply by living with him.

     I felt the Lord encouraging me that what I am longing to see in my children in terms of knowing and loving God will not be primarily a matter of “teaching” her to know the Lord, but mostly the result of simply living in His presence. If His Spirit is truly filling our hearts, if we talk with Him daily, if we tell the stories of all the things He’s done throughout history (even before we were born), if we reminisce about special times we’ve shared with Him…then He will be as real to her, and as knowable, as any other person who resides in our home.

     I was simultaneously encouraged and challenged by that invitation, and I think I’m feeling that same kind of longing right now. I’ve been thinking about the humanity and divinity of Jesus a lot lately. I am hungry to know Him – to really, really know Him. “From Patmos” (learn about it here; or watch it here) gave such a tangible picture of Jesus in the flesh – a man who was knowable, just like I know any other friend. I want that longing for the Messiah to come (again), and that awe and joy and confidence that the Messiah is my friend. Is He really as tangible to me as the people I can reach out and touch with my hands? I know He is a person, not a collection of ideas, but am I really engaging with Him on that level on a moment by moment basis?

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T15:27:00.003-05:00

Jesus is Alive! We have reason to celebrate! I hope that you, dear visitor to my little blog, know the hope that is found in Jesus.

God Himself, come to dwell with men in the flesh, has defeated sin and death and showed us perfectly the character of God. The Servant King, the Holy One, humbled Himself even to the point of willingly submitting to death. He didn't submit just to the idea of death (as in death as a result of the breakdown of the human body over time) but specifically a form of death intended to torture and humiliate (the cross). But He is not defeated. He is Risen! He really died, and he really was resurrected. After defeating death, His physical, resurrected body walked on the earth, among many witnesses. He now dwells in heaven with the Father, and He will come again to the earth to establish His kingdom.

One very real day to come, every knee will bow (including your own) and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord. This won't be spiritual knees in some ethereal fantasy land. You, my friend, will have a body on that day, and you will bow before the King of the universe.

He desires that you know Him and worship Him now, in your brief life on the earth. By His very real death and resurrection, He has made the way for you to have True Life. To know God and be transformed into His image. You do not have to be a slave to sin!
This is what we celebrate today.

An egg hunt might seem like a silly way to celebrate, but there is something to be found in the symbols of searching , finding hidden treasure, within eggs (representing new life), and the opening of that egg to find a surprise gift waiting inside (like discovering the open tomb, and the surprise gift of the resurrection of the Messiah).

Bread of Life

2011-03-02T11:26:00.001-06:00

Jesus said, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger,

and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.” John 6:35

I didn’t get to spend time sitting with my bible yesterday, but the Lord totally spoke to me while I was working with Abigail on her Bible homework. It was a good reminder that giving myself to the Word doesn’t have to follow a certain comfortable and familiar formula (i.e. me + bible + comfy chair (+warm drink if possible)) For her class each week we memorize a verse and do some meditation time. While we were meditating, the Lord gave me this picture:

   I saw Jesus standing in front of a vast, endless ocean of loaves of bread. He was smiling. Large, hefty loaves of bread were piled up behind him, and they went as far as I could see, out to the horizon. I knew it was showing His inexhaustible resources. I was struck with the understanding that the supply needed to be inexhaustible, because we need to continually be fed from His hand. The elimination of hunger that resulted was not because of some magical quality within the bread. In other words, it was the coming to Jesus that resulted in being filled and hunger being satisfied. This was not a matter of acquiring something that would once and for all bring satisfaction. Being fed was a natural result of coming to Him, but once having been fed we were not then able to walk away without experiencing that same gnawing hunger once again.

   I knew there were many people before Him, but I only saw one person, right at His feet. I felt this was speaking to Jesus’ intimate knowledge of the needs of each one who came to Him, and the way He tenderly cares for each one of us. He was not simply tossing food into the hungry masses. He was personally and intimately providing exactly the nourishment that was needed for that specific person at that precise moment.

   I had a brief picture of Jesus turning around to the immense pile of loaves and searching for a specific loaf, but I knew in an instant that this was a picture of my own distorted understanding of His ways, and not the true nature of what God was showing me. I asked the Lord for understanding, and I saw the searching through loaves as somehow representing Jesus looking for a thing outside of Himself to give. I saw myself flipping through my bible, looking for just the right verse that would really speak to me in the moment. It was as though I was identifying the “bread of life” that quenches hunger as being embodied within a specific encouraging word, a scripture, an impression, etc. I was seeing His perfection of knowing of me and his perfect resource as being hindered by a delay in connecting me with just the right “thing” that would satisfy.

   Suddenly I was looking at him again, and He was shining brighter than before. Whereas before the sense was of a room full of light, where He was out of place, this time the light was clearly emanating from Him. He was luminescent. He began to reach his hands into his own belly, and as He did the ocean of bread disappeared from behind Him and the most intense light I’ve ever seen burst out from the place where He reached inside Himself. I instantly knew that the bread He was giving was not simply available to Him to give, it was within and of Him. He Himself is the bread of life. We are nourished by His very essence, His character. In coming to Him we receive of Him, and this alone is the bread that satisfies.

   He was meeting the very specific needs and satisfying every cry of hunger within those who came to Him, but it was not by means of anything external to Himself. He reached inside Himself and from within came forth what was needed to give life. Now, I don’t mean that what He gave was the same for each person from that point on. There was still distinction in what He gave. But there was no hesitation, no searching, no pondering what would be needed, and nothing added apart from what He Himself was. He simply gazed lovingly in the eyes of the one before Him, reached into Himself, and brought forth exactly what was right.

When words are both weapon and salve for the wound

2010-12-20T23:17:00.007-06:00

She wasn’t the first to receive a lashing from my tongue today. Razors on my lips, cutting little tender hearts. “What are you doing?! You’re standing right by Lucia’s door and shouting! If you wake her up I am not going to be happy!”

“Mommy, don’t ever talk to me like that!” The quiver in her lip reveals the damage I’ve done, but I hear the anger in her voice and call it rebellion.

My fuse has already been lit, and I could close my mouth, but I don’t. Isn’t my own rebellion really the fuel for this fire seeking to destroy us both?

“Don’t you ever tell me what to do!” My voice is large and powerful, but inside I wince even as I’m still forming the words. Oh! Where do words like these come from? That tone of voice. The daggers in my eyes.

The quivering lip can’t hold it in now, and the wounded one shrieks as she runs to her bed. Tears spill onto her pillow, as my own tears sting my eyes. The bitterness of failure biting the edges, as I struggle to see, to grasp for Grace.

She crumples on the bed, I crumple to the floor. We both quiver with liquid prayers flowing over faces and hearts.

   It’s here, right here in these moments, where I am learning to find Jesus. In the weak places. The broken places. The ones that make my heart reel and my head spin with pain over what I’ve done. When I see my sin for what it is and I cannot hide it from my eyes.

   I’m learning to hear Him in the dark and lonely places. The places that used to make me cower in fear and shame. When that accusing voice calling me a failure as a mother sounds true, because what kind of mother talks to her daughter like that? When the tempter comes with his searing whisper “You’ve tried and you’ve failed. You’re beyond hope now.”

   But lies aren’t Truth, no matter what I feel or how I fail. And I’m beginning to see that the One who is Faithful and True has been speaking the whole time. But what He says seems so impossible, for so long I didn’t dare to believe Him.

He has clothed me with garments of salvation

and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, Is. 61:10

   Here in the mud and the muck of my heart, God Himself has claimed me as His own possession. Jesus paid the highest price for my freedom, all so that He can clothe me with His finest garments.

   And yet, I’ve slipped and fallen in the mud again. Hasn’t He done enough? Hasn’t He tired of me continually needing rescuing? Shouldn’t I be stronger by now, able to walk on my own without tripping and stumbling again and again?

   And this, THIS is the lie, the one that makes hopelessness inevitable. The lie that I am supposed to be able to do this on my own.

   When I come out of hiding, that sweet, still, small voice never fails. “Come to me.”

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

The ease doesn’t come in me finding my own strength, it comes from being yoked to Him. Somehow I wandered, tried to carry a load that I thought was mine to bear alone. But as my tears and His voice draw me home, I turn my heart again to the One who is forming me into His own likeness. I have no strength to bring, only the one thing I can give, my heart. If I don't give up, I win!

In the coming to Him, I go to her. The sobs have quieted, but her voice still shakes when I come near. Low and gentle, on my knees by her bed, I offer my sincere repentance. And she too, washed by Grace, holds me tight as we let Love heal us and repair the breach.

For more on the power of words, read Ann Voskamp's fabulous post today,

The Gift of {Strong} Words.

The joy of salvation comes through repentance

2010-12-06T11:40:00.000-06:00

I don’t want to construct a life that displays my earnest effort to avoid the need to repent. I want to delight in the mercy of God and display the truth of His goodness!

Repentance is a joy, and forgiveness is exhilarating!

He is so good to me! Jesus came to set me free, today! I haven’t matured beyond my need for His mercy. I need Him today, and I’ll need Him tomorrow. And just because He wants to, because of who He is, He’ll be there to answer when I turn away from sin and turn to Him and ask Him to cleanse me again.

There is no sin that can defeat me when I really bring it to Him and say “This sin is mine. I don’t want it anymore. Please get it out of me. I can’t do it myself!” JESUS WINS! Every. Single. Time.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+51&version=NKJV

A Journey in Matthew 9, via my own heart

2010-10-26T09:35:00.000-05:00

“Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.” (9:2, Jesus, to the paralytic man)

   I wonder what the paralytic man thought of that. Did he understand that Jesus was in that moment displaying Himself as The Son of God? Did the man know that this was his deepest need? Did he realize that he had just been given open access relationally to God in the flesh? He had just been invited into fellowship with the Holy One, God Himself! Did he even have a clue?
   I can picture myself as the paralytic man. In that moment, still lying on the mat, legs still unrenewed, completely unaware of the miracle taking place in the spirit, thinking “Dude, that’s nice…but are you gonna do something about my legs?”
   How would I respond if I was that man? Would I see the treasure of forgiveness for what it is? Would I be able to receive it? What are the things that I’m bringing before the Lord, asking Him to do for me, that may be stealing my focus from what He really wants to do in me?

“…that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins…” (9:6)

I think I’ve typically read this like “that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins…”. The emphasis has been on the power. He does have power. And I do need a revelation of what that means. But in seeing His power in a different light, I think a foundational reality has somehow dimmed…that this power is unto the forgiveness of sins.
Like a paralyzed man caring more about his legs than his soul, I come to the Lord longing for His hand in my life, yielding tangible change and “results”. I am all too aware of my weakness. I know I need forgiveness. I yearn to be washed of my sin. But is that longing for forgiveness unto restored relationship? Do I want to be free from sin so that I can engage my heart fully with the Holy Spirit? Or am I longing for an unburdened heart so that I can get on with my business more efficiently, unhindered by the consequences of sin? Am I seeking intimacy, or functionality?

“...a ruler came and worshipped Him, saying “My daughter has just died,

but come and lay Your hand on her and she will live.” (9:18)

In considering the story of the paralytic man, and my own tendency to seek Jesus’ power in my life for my own benefit, I am tempted to squelch that desire for evident power. Like some sort of twisted means to, by the flesh, force my flesh to submit to the Spirit. As though denying the evidence of power would somehow purify my desire for God, because I would be simply walking in the Spirit for Himself, without the possibility of my own benefit.
But here, just a few verses later, my religious attempt at self-righteous purity of heart is exposed. Here, the ruler comes to Jesus, seeking the healing of His daughter. And this seeking, this asking for tangible power to be made manifest, is described as “{he} came and worshipped Him.”

Fisherman

2010-10-14T00:39:00.001-05:00

   Recently I was reading through Matthew Chapter 4, which tells of Jesus calling Simon Peter and Andrew, who were fisherman. He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” It reminded me of something the Lord spoke to my heart a couple weeks ago, and wanted to share it here with you as an encouragement.

   I was sitting by a quiet lake/pond (alone for the first time in many months!) just fellowshipping with the Lord. I was meditating on the life of Peter, and was especially pondering the time when the Lord appears to him by the sea after the resurrection (John 21, when Jesus tells them to cast the net on the right side of the boat, and they caught so many fish they couldn’t even draw in the net.)

   I hear a noise and look up to see a man several yards away, unfolding a chair and taking out a fishing pole. I think “Fancy that! A fisherman, just like Peter.” As the man prepares his hook and casts his line into the pond, the Lord drops the phrase into my heart

“One who casts a line is no less a fisherman than one who casts a net.”

I won’t unpack all that the Lord spoke to me, but the main thing was this – in this season of my life, most of my time is spent on tasks that have direct impact on only a very small number of people. My husband, my children, some friends, and maybe a few strangers that the Lord puts in my path. There are no multitudes. But He calls me a fisher of men just the same as He calls the evangelist whose net is much wider. A fisherman is a fisherman because he is engaged in the task of catching fish. My line may only have room to catch one fish at a time. I may spend most of my energy trolling for the four little fish in my own pond (i.e. my children).

But I am, indeed, a fisher of men. And if you know Jesus, He's called you just the same! You don't have to wait for "someday" when you have an official ministry platform. You have Good News, and the world needs it. Don't disqualify yourself. Just go fish!

Link

2010-10-09T22:02:00.003-05:00

Remember my post "What does it mean to do all things to the glory of God?"

Go check out Matt's post "Is Excellence A Virtue?".

He is right on the mark, and his post has helped bring some context to my own struggle with the concept of "excellence", and how Christians should define or pursue it.

No Condemnation

2010-09-26T17:48:00.003-05:00

What does it really mean, what does it really look like, to be dead to sin and alive to God, to walk free from all condemnation?

I’ve been swimming around in the book of Romans lately, mostly in chapters 5-8. Looking at Romans 8:1, I think the way I’ve usually I’ve usually heard this verse is with the connotation that “no condemnation” essentially equals freedom from guilt, sorrow, or remorse. In my experience, the phrase “no condemnation” seems to be practically substitutable for “don’t worry about it” in Christian vernacular. As in, “Oh, don’t feel bad, there’s no condemnation.” I think that’s a shallow understanding, so I’m digging here until the Lord moves me on.

   There is so much for me to learn in terms of living not only free from the consequences of sin, but actually living free from sin. Like Jesus said to the adulterous woman after saving her from condemnation at the hands of the Pharisees “Neither do I condemn you, now go and sin no more.”

But how to walk this out…ah! There is the rub.
“Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that ones’ slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness.”
I so often find myself essentially gritting my teeth and saying to sin “You’re not the boss of me!” That’s better than intentionally embracing sin, but it is not the same as presenting myself to the Lord.

I want to walk in the Spirit.

I want to, by the Spirit, put to death the deeds of the body.

I am so with Paul on this one – “O wretched {wo}man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”
C’mon, world, I know you feel it too… “For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God…because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.”

     “No condemnation” does not only mean freedom from guilt, sorrow, or remorse. But it does mean that if we are in Christ, we are not defined by our sin, its consequences, or the guilt, sorrow, or remorse that we feel when we do sin.
     I am in a place of pain at not walking in the reality of the freedom that I know is available to me. BUT, this ache does not mean that I am defined by falling short of the mark. It means that I have been given the gift of longing for God and His ways.

v. 11, 15 “But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. … For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.””

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,
         And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you
         For the LORD is a God of justice;
         How blessed are all those who long for Him.
O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer
He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.
Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher.
Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it,"
-Is 30:18-21

On Wisdom

2010-09-15T08:46:00.001-05:00

I jumped into a conversation about wisdom, prompted by Kat's questions "How do you pursue Wisdom?" and "How do you learn best?"

I do glean a lot from books, blogs, conversation, audiobooks, etc. But I think most of what I glean is not truly wisdom as much as it is encouragement, neat ideas, or just interesting. Some of those resources do share wisdom, or inspire me to pursue wisdom. But for the most part I think the questions “How do you pursue wisdom?” and “How do you learn best?” may be related, but they are really not the same question.

So if wisdom comes from God, how do we pursue it? And what is wisdom anyway? Is it some special brand of smart?

My favorite passage about wisdom is Proverbs 2:

1 My son, if you will receive my words

And treasure my commandments within you,

2 Make your ear attentive to wisdom,

Incline your heart to understanding;

3 For if you cry for discernment,

Lift your voice for understanding;

4 If you seek her as silver

And search for her as for hidden treasures;

5 Then you will discern the fear of the LORD

And discover the knowledge of God.

6 For the LORD gives wisdom;

From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

I love this passage, and I love that this post and discussion have prompted me to revisit it. I guess the key things here that impact how I set my heart to gain wisdom are
   v.1 the essential centrality of the Word as beloved instructor,
   v.2 the required devotion of my attention and affection,
   v.3 the necessity of a response of sincere spoken prayer,
   v.4 the high value placed upon wisdom that produces diligent perseverance
   And the final key – the possession of wisdom is inseparable from the fear of the Lord and the knowledge of God.

   So, I pursue wisdom by setting my heart and my mind continually upon the Lord, devoting myself to long and loving meditation on the word and the person of Christ, speaking prayers to the God of the universe (believing that He hears every one), and valuing my communion with God as priceless above all else. For me, “long and loving meditation” in this season usually does not look like spending even an hour-long block of time giving my exclusive attention to a passage of scripture. It’s simply the grace-empowered setting of my heart on a pilgrimage into the heart of God. I want to fill my mind with thoughts of the Lord and His Word. I will seek you today Lord, and when Your Spirit woos me back from distraction I will start again, and again tomorrow, and still the next day, and still the next, and again, and again. And though 10 years from now I will have barely grasped a cupful of the infinite ocean that is called “the knowledge of God”, I will, by Your Grace, possess Living Water more than I have today. And therein, I find Wisdom.

The Journey of My Heart

2010-09-07T17:27:00.002-05:00

I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. (Romans 7:18)

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:21-22)

So, I set my heart on a pilgrimage (psalm 84:5)

Day by day, minute by minute, choice by choice, yes by yes.

In all these things I am more than a conqueror through him who loves me. I am convinced that nothing in all creation will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus my Lord. (Rom 8:37-39)

Day by day, minute by minute, choice by choice, yes by yes,

I set my mind on the Spirit (Rom 8:5)

As I behold the glory of the Lord; I am being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. (2 Cor. 3:18)

2010-08-06T11:49:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning after having a horrible, horrible dream that left me feeling emotionally raw and vulnerable. I felt totally slimed, and desperate for Light and Truth in my heart.

Crying into the cereal as I put the bowls in front of the kids. Totally broken.

Turned on a movie, told them “Do not get up until Veggie Tales is over”, and went to catch my breath.

Asked some friends and my hubby to pray for me.

Grabbed my bible and put my heart before the Lord asking “Please, please meet me. I won’t make it through this day without your touch.”

And…

He did. God is so faithful. He met me. He lifted the cloud of heaviness and brought peace.

God is real. His Word is true. I have nothing to offer but ashes and filth. But Jesus brings beauty to my broken, stained heart.

More (mostly questions) on Economics and the Kingdom of God

2010-07-06T16:54:00.000-05:00

A friend posted a link to this article on Facebook, and it really got me thinking (again) about economics and the Kingdom of God. Learning about the global economic situation and fiscal policy makes me fall in love with Jesus in whole new ways and want to peer deeper into the workings of the Kingdom. Man's feeble attempts to right the sinking ship that we've built seem like so much thrashing about in an ocean of greed, selfishness and pride. Seeing brilliant and powerful people scramble to avert a disaster of our own making makes me tremble a little, and then I remember – He’s coming!

What will global economics look like when Jesus reigns on the earth? What is the fiscal policy of Heaven? I don’t mean those as just rhetorical questions…I really want to know. I’ve looked some at what the Word says about personal finance, but lately I’ve been listening to NPR’s Planet Money podcast and it makes me realize that I have very little understanding of what God (the best economist) would really say about the systemic problems contributing to national and international-level economic crisis.

One the one hand, it seems so simple – we should love each other, walk in humility and generosity, and not do wicked things like putting people in financial slavery. But even good intentions don’t always make good policy. To really institute a global economic system functioning on the basis of love, humility, generosity and righteousness, it takes perfect leadership over individual hearts and perfect administration on a massive scale. In other words, it takes Jesus, reigning as King.

So, here in the waiting, what does that mean for me (or for us, the global church)? What’s my relationship to the economics of this world? I want to understand how we got to where we are now, and whether there is anything of redeeming value in our current system. Is it so full of decay that it will all just be tossed on the burn pile of eternity? Or is there any shred of true provision left within the framework that we’ve constructed? I wonder if we’ve tried so hard to manufacture our own provision and security that we have essentially cut ourselves off from the provision of Heaven on a widespread level. I mean that in literal, earthy terms. How much faith have we placed in the sustainability of our global economic system? If that system collapsed next year, how would the Church respond? How would I respond? Am I living today in a way that agrees with God’s economy or fights against it? Is the church at large really walking in the Gospel of the Kingdom? Do we even know what that looks like?

Love of Money links

2010-07-01T01:51:00.000-05:00

My post below reminded me of a great, great, great series that my friend Suzanna wrote recently. I urge you to set aside some time to sit and read and prayerfully consider her words
1. Oh, how I love…money?
2. Love of Money - Part 2
3. Love of Money - Where We're From

On Prosperity and the Kingdom

2010-07-01T01:46:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about economics, personal finance, and the kingdom of God. So when I read Kristen's post Why is America blessed?, I already had a lot on my mind.

She begins by asking "Why does North America have so much, while the rest of the world has so little?" She references a comment she received on a previous post that pointed out the possibility that affordability or frugality may be inadequate standards to determine the appropriate boundaries for our spending. Then she asks "Why do you think America is so blessed? Is it so we can build a greater country or is it for us to help that tiny continent and others like it...and make HIS glory known?" That was all the invitation I needed to jump into the discussion.

I think that many things we generically think of as blessings (the relative ease of our lives in America and prosperity we enjoy, for example) have insidious backsides on both the personal and global level. Ease, prosperity, and comfort tend to breed entitlement, pride, and selfishness in hearts untempered by the grace and fear of God. Globally, our relative prosperity has not come without a price. Our insatiable appetite for bigger-better-faster-more has certainly had implications on lands and peoples across the world, and the influence has not been entirely good.

Beyond that, I'm not convinced that our prosperity is going to last indefinitely, despite the fact that most people are living like it will. I read an excellent post about that issue yesterday, referring to our current way of life as the next bubble to pop - along the lines of the stock, dot-com, and housing bubbles that have rocked our economy in the past. (Read "Pop Goes the Lifestyle")

As far as what to do with abundance when it comes our way - I believe that we should be living lifestyles of generous, extravagant giving, regardless of where we fall on the income bracket. In seasons past, that may have looked for me like writing a check to help buy medical supplies for an impoverished community. Recently, that has looked more like keeping the employees of our business working and paying them fair wages, even when we have to get food from the food bank (and then sharing some food bank food with a friend who had even less than we). My global impact financially may be small right now, but I want to build a lifestyle of giving NOW, so that when abundance comes, giving grows naturally.

Ultimately, I think the cry of Kristen's heart for justice (and so many others who join with her) echoes the cry from the very throne and heart of God. It’s no accident that the question comes down to one thing – the glory of His name. On the surface, the disparate distribution of wealth among the nations appears to be an economic and moral issue, but there’s more to it than simply fairness or generosity. The inability of nations to care for and about one another in a meaningful way on the global level highlights the most desperate need of the human race – a King who is righteous and true, full of love and compassion, who loves to give good gifts and make us righteous and honest and loving and compassionate and all of the things that we simply are not without Him. That’s what the Gospel of the Kingdom is all about – Jesus coming to make wrong things right. And there is something *wrong* with a world where so many live in absolute poverty, and we care so little.

Someday...

2010-05-21T17:22:00.005-05:00

Someday my house will seem too quiet, and too-loud voices at naptime would be welcomed as joyful company.

Someday I’ll be washing laundry only for two, and the absence of muddy tights & stained white dresses will only follow the absence of the wearer.

Someday I will have abundant time to myself, where I can read|work|think|pray without interruption, and I will long for the surprise of toddlers too-soon awake.

Someday the thought “I just wish I could have two hours to myself!” will be replaced with “I just wish we could have two hours all together!”

Someday I will miss this.

Conversations with Abigail: Does Mr. Obama believe in God?

2010-05-16T23:59:00.002-05:00

I had an awesome conversation with Abigail while driving to a birthday party this weekend. I think I would like to start blogging some of my conversations with her in order to practice communicating around questions like: How do we teach & talk to our young children about God? How do we communicate about complex concepts with children in a way that is biblically honest, but still accessible?

In this conversation, a few of my strategies are evident:

#1 - I take her questions seriously. If she asks a question, I want to give it a real, robust answer. Usually if she asks something, she’s ready to hear the answer. I try not to make it black-and-white if it’s not. I want to give the nuance, the subtleties.

#2 - I want to teach not just right conclusions or right thinking, but godly processes. When she asks “Does Mr. Obama believe in God?” She does not need me to recruit her for a political agenda. She needs me to help her walk through the murky waters of “What does it mean to believe in God? How do I know if someone else believes in God?” If I make a judgment of any kind on another person, I am not only telling her what I think, I'm teaching her how to judge. I want her to understand the process, not just the conclusions.

#3 - If a scripture comes to mind, it’s usually the Holy Spirit – so I go with it and see where He takes us.

While I drove her to a birthday party, Abigail asked me “Does Mr. Obama believe in God?”

We talked about believing in the idea of “a god” vs. trusting in Jesus as the fullness of God revealed in flesh and our only way of salvation, as well as having a biblical understanding of God’s character and His kingdom. I told her that although Mr. Obama says he believes in God, some of the things he says and does don’t agree with the bible. I told her that specifically I have heard people say that he doesn’t believe that Jesus is the only way for people to know God. If he thinks people can know God, live righteously, and or go to heaven without trusting in Jesus, then He doesn’t trust in the God of the bible that we know.

So then she asked “Mommy, sometime can we go to the White House and talk to Mr. Obama?”

I told her maybe we could go there sometime, but that doesn’t mean we’d be able to talk to him. I explained that since there are so many people in our country, not everyone gets to meet the President.

Abigail: “Can we call him on the phone?”

Me: “Hmmm…maybe. I’m not sure how that works. Maybe we can look up the phone number some time. What would you want to tell him?”

Abigail: “I would want to tell him about righteousness and Jesus and truth. If he doesn’t know Jesus I want to tell him about Him.”

Me: “That’s awesome, Abigail. What would you say to tell him about those things?”

Abigail: “I don’t know. I don’t know what I would say.”

As she said that, a scripture popped into mind. (You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you*).

I told her that it’s ok that she’s not sure exactly what she would say. I told her that we want to know the scriptures and know the voice of the Spirit, so that no matter where we are or who we are with, we will be able to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying and speak those words boldly.

Conversation to be continued…

*What I was actually thinking of was Matthew 10:18-20, but I didn’t know the specific verse. As I was talking to her I got my passages mixed up and used the language of Acts 2:4 “as the spirit gave them utterance”…which is actually directly relevant later in our conversation.

I also got the context wrong. I was thinking Acts 4: 8 “Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them…”). But the Matthew 10 exhortation was actually Jesus speaking to the disciples.

And I got the main characters wrong. I said I thought it was Paul before some Roman leaders (Acts 24-26).

Although I didn’t have all my biblical references precise in my mind, I had the biblical principle right, and I think that’s most important. Now that I have looked up the references, I can go back and talk through it with her again – showing her where Mommy was off, and talking about how Jesus taught his disciples ahead of time to prepare them for the trouble that was coming. Also, showing the multiple occasions where this principle was walked out by the disciples.

I added the * explanation to demonstrate how rigorous theological discussions with our kids do not have to be limited to a context where we have all the knowledge and resources at our fingertips. Bringing the scripture into this discussion was important and valuable, even though I got some of the references jumbled.

When I return...a conversation about tongues & interpretation with a not-yet-5-year-old

What does it mean to do all things to the glory of God?

2010-05-01T23:33:00.001-05:00

I don't think the biblical exhortation to do all things "as unto the Lord" or "for the glory of God" is talking about doing things well, "trying our hardest" or achieving any specific measurable standard of excellence. We don't glorify God by being good at stuff. I think it's about giving Jesus the preeminence in all things, and doing all things in fellowship with Him.

Our work matters, and to do it with apathy or to avoid it does not bring glory to God. But I don't think the cure for apathy, laziness, or hiding our talents, is to try harder or to aim for objectively measurable excellence. I think as we are in fellowship with the Holy Spirit, He will lead us into meaningful, fruitful work which will glorify Himself. But if our eyes are fixed on excellence as the goal, even in a desire to bring glory to God, we are likely to miss the heart. I think the motivation is the key, not only for our own hearts, but also for the way we transfer expectations onto others.

I have lived different sides of this - pursuit of excellence that led to perfectionism, pride, and condemnation; shame when I felt like trying my hardest was killing me and producing only failure; apathy when I didn't know what to do so I would just do nothing; desperation when I realized apathy was killing my heart...I'm now in a place of seeking, asking - What does it really mean to glorify God? If I totally screw up can God still be glorified in me? I know He can. So how is that different from when I don't screw up? Am I doing something more "unto the Lord" if I am exerting more effort at the task? What about the result - is God more glorified if it turns out awesome? What if it turns out awesomely awesome but I wasted a whole bunch of time making it the most awesomest thing ever? How does my mindset affect how I use my time? Does doing something “as unto the Lord” mean that I take more time and make it better, or take less time and worry less about answering to someone else’s standard in order to devote myself to tasks of greater importance? Or (more likely) does it all just depend on the specifics of the situation? Are these questions that can be answered objectively, or is there a God-breathed rhema word for each individual in each moment?

I don't have many clear answers, except "Abide in Me, for apart from Me you can do nothing." So that's where I'm at. Although even that is a question in my heart "So, Lord, by abiding in You, what exactly does that mean for me right now? Am I abiding in you by reading Your Word right now? Or would abiding look like being faithful to my obligations by doing the dishes right now? Or is abiding an internal state that isn't conditional upon my tasks? So can I "abide" and do whatever I want as long as I'm thinking about You? If I can't do whatever I want, then what, precicely, is the boundary of "abiding?"..." And on, and on, and on. All I know is that I need Him. And needing Him gives Him more glory than being good at stuff

TwentyTen

2010-01-01T10:00:00.002-06:00

Today feels all shiny & new and full of glorious possibility. I’m brimming with anticipation of what this new year will bring.

I ponder…how does such an intangible thing – the shifting of times, changing of seasons – feel so concrete?

And yet, today is undeniably a new day. A new year. The hope-filled future lies ahead. And His mercies feel especially new this morning.

Me & Depression & God

2009-11-21T08:49:00.000-06:00

I'm not comfortable in front of a camera, but wanted to share a little bit. Video was actually easier than writing for this one (although I had to cover up the computer screen with sticky notes so I didnt' have to watch myself while I was recording :P )

Me & Depression & God from Sarah Caprye on Vimeo.

Musings, written a month ago

2009-03-02T13:08:00.003-06:00

Am I raising Pharisees or Christians? Or What is the point of discipline?

In reading through an old journal, I found the following entry:

“When You present the Israelites with a covenant in which it is impossible for them to fulfill their part, You are not looking for a people who will zealously declare that they are able to do what You have called them to. No, You are looking for a people that know Your heart - fierce and tender both. A people that understand that You have asked them to be holy as You are holy - and it's impossible. Therefore, the only choice is to fall on Your mercy, while recognizing their weakness. "I can't, but I want to!" Lord, only You are holy, and I know that if I try to approach You according to my ability to conform to Your standards, I will be killed - I cannot do it. I cannot simply hope that You will overlook or not see my shortcomings. I must approach You knowing that You will/would/could/should kill me according to a standard of righteous living. And I must trust in Your mercy and grace, that as I approach in humility, knowing full well my weakness, Your loving kindness reaches out toward me.”

God knows we cannot fulfill the requirements of the law in our own strength. So what is the point of the law? Obedience does have many practical, tangible benefits. But obedience is not the purpose of the law.

The law does not change our hearts. It just exposes them. The law exposes our need for grace. (Rom 3:19-20) Disobedience exposes not only our weakness, but also how we respond within the relationship. Upon whose terms is the relationship repaired? Do I think I mend the relationship by conforming my behavior? Or does God mend the relationship by His grace poured out on me?

Faced with my weakness, do I run and hide from the Lord? Do I try to cover my tracks or repair the breach in my heart by renewed vigor? OR do I run to the cross, knowing the Father's love for me has made a way - the Only Way - for me to be restored by grace through faith in Jesus. Do I really believe that His blood is enough?

The discipline of the Lord draws me to Him and transforms me. It’s His kindness that leads me to repentance. (Rom. 2:4)

Does my discipline of my children mirror that? Why do I train them? How do I respond when they fail to obey? Do I treat their disobedience as a rejection of my affection? Am I gentle with them in their immaturity? Do I woo them back into relationship with kindness (never negating the true repercussions of sin)? When they repent and turn their hearts toward me again in openness and love, do I receive them freely? Do I keep my arms open, or do I hold them at arm's length until they've "proven" themselves with changed behavior? Do I hold a grudge? Who repairs the breach? Am I mostly concerned with their behavior, or with their hearts?

Bloggy FYI

2007-10-07T23:28:00.000-05:00

New posts can be found at abigailpod.blogspot.com

When I get time to figure out how to combine both of my old blogs onto one new one, I will be posting a new web address. For now, I will probably continue to post only on Abigail's blog.

Introducing Eliana Jean and Joelle Rose

2007-08-12T18:25:00.000-05:00

We are thrilled to announce the birth of our twin girls, Eliana Jean and Joelle Rose. They were born at 3:07 and 3:10pm on August 7, 2007, via C-section. Everything went smoothly and mom and babies are all doing well. Eliana (formerly "Baby A") was 5lbs 14oz and 19 inches long. Joelle (formerly "Baby B") was 5lbs 6oz and 19 inches long. Big Sister Abigail is having lots of fun holding the babies and is doing a great job learning how to be a big sister. I will post some of their pictures here, and you can go to our online web album (click here) to see all the photos we have so far.

One last belly picture - 37 weeks

2007-08-12T17:56:00.001-05:00

Abigail giving her sisters one last tummy hug before Mommy goes to the hospital for the c-section.

Hobbit feet, minus the hair

2007-08-03T16:05:00.000-05:00

Cankles got nothin' on me. I've got bona-fide rolls on my ankles. Nice! I am really looking forward to getting my feet back from the edema-fairy after delivery.

The belly - 36 weeks

2007-07-31T23:57:00.000-05:00

I am ginormous! At my 35 week appt, I was measuring 44. I forgot to ask what I measured this week, but it is BIG!

For comparison, here I am at 40 weeks with Abigail:

36 week ultrasound

2007-07-31T15:31:00.000-05:00

The girls are looking great. Super crowded in there, but everyone is healthy. They are both weighing in at (approximately) 5lbs 4oz. That's right on target for twin growth at this stage. The perinatologist said that he'd expect that they'll weigh right about 6 lbs each by next week's delivery day. It is hard to believe that there is already 10.5 lbs of baby in me, and it will probably be 12 lbs by next week. I think if we were able to wait for me to go into labor naturally, I would have a couple 7+ pounders on my hands. Yay! Birth weight is a big deal for all babies, but especially twins. I hope they weigh in above 6 lbs at birth, because that just feels like a good, healthy weight. But at this point, everything is indicating that they will be healthy and strong, regardless of whether they hit that 6 lb. mark or not.

Baby B is now vertex (head-down) but Baby A is still breech, so there is no change in our delivery plans (C-section, Aug 7, 3:30pm). I don't have any more appointments or ultrasounds before the big day, so there's pretty much no turning back now! I can't believe we are going to meet our little girls in less than a week!!!!

My mom (Grandma Grace) is going to arrive on Saturday to help us get ready, to watch Abigail while we are in the hospital, and to help out once we get home. (My dad - Grandpa Peter - can't make it this time, but hopefully he'll get to meet the girls soon. Maybe Thanksgiving?) Then a couple/few weeks later Aaron's parents (Nana and Grandpa Mike) will arrive. Then Aunties Kendra and Kyrstin will come visit in early September. We love our families, and we are so appreciative of them coming to help out and celebrate with us. If we didn't have people coming to help, I think I would be freaking out right now. It's really nice to know we'll have some extra hands around for a while.

We have a date!

2007-07-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

Well, at my 35 week appt, Baby A was still breech. (She's been stubborn and has stayed that way since at least 28 weeks.) So, although I really, really wanted an unmedicated natural delivery, I will be having a c-section unless a miracle occurs and she turns head-down before I hit 37 weeks. I got the call today from the Dr. office, confirming that the date and time for the c-section is:

Aug 7, at 3:30pm
(less than 2 weeks away!!!)

That's the day I turn 37 weeks. I had asked for it to be on the 14th (38 weeks, which was the absolute latest they would let me go for a c-section) and my midwife said she'd shoot for that date. But I knew that the OB really would prefer to do it sooner, so I wasn't too surprised that it got bumped up a bit. I feel like the girls should be fine at 37 weeks, so I decided not to make a big deal about it.

We will be praying specifically that the girls are good nursers, because that is the one thing that I've heard can still be problematic between 36-37 weeks. We would certainly appreciate your prayers as we approach their arrival.

We'll keep you updated between now and then. I do have a growth ultrasound next week, so we will get an update on how big the girls are getting. I'll try to get some more belly pictures taken too, for posterity's sake =)

35 week update

2007-07-23T23:48:00.000-05:00

Fundal Height: 44!
Babies positions: Baby A breech, Baby B transverse. Baby A could still turn head-down, but considering that she's been breech since at least 28 weeks and they are getting really cramped in there, the midwife said it's not really likely at this point. I have another ultrasound next week to check their growth, so we'll see if she moves at all by then.
Delivery plans: I am being scheduled for a c-section around 38 weeks (near Aug 14), due to the babies' positions. I will post when I have a date and time confirmed. If Baby A turns head-down before then, we will cancel that plan and go for a natural delivery.
Misc: My feet/ankles are still huge. They will likely stay that way until delivery. It's pretty bad when I can barely even get my feet into my flip flops! BUT, I do have a nice, pretty pedicure now! Aaron took Abigail to the Zoo on Saturday, and I got the day off. I used some birthday money to get a pedicure, get my haircut, and get a massage. I also took care of some appointments at the hospital and just generally enjoyed having the day all to myself. Possibly for the last time in...um...EVER?

Oh, I also got the crib all ready to go. We plan on having the twins in our room at first, but it feels nice to have the crib all set (and maybe we'll use it for naps sometimes). We still have a TON of prep to do before I'll feel "ready" for the babies, but I'm trying not to worry about it too much. It's just hard to get anything accomplished nowadays, so I feel a little overwhelmed by my to-do list sometimes. BUT, #1 on my "to-do" list is stay healthy and keep these babies cooking until they're good and ready to come out, so I make sure to not overdo it, and I don't feel bad about taking naps and being generally unproductive most of the time.

Fat feet

2007-07-20T00:08:00.001-05:00

My feet are huge! These pictures don't really show the extent of the swelling, but here is a comparison between my normal feet (left) and my current preggo feet (right).

The belly - 32 weeks 1 day

2007-07-04T22:49:00.001-05:00

Here I am at 32 weeks with Abigail. I look tiny compared to today!

Here's the Abigail belly at 37 weeks. I think that's a lot closer to how I look now - and that makes sense, since I am measuring 37.

32 week update

2007-07-03T14:54:00.001-05:00

"Well, these girls have no sense of direction"

...That was the first thing the perinatologist told me at our ultrasound today. They are both breech, with their heads right up in my ribs and feet/butts down in my pelvis. That is the exact opposite of the position we want them in for birth! We will keep telling them that they need to turn around, and hopefully that will happen before delivery time.

Other than that, everything looks good. Both girls are healthy, very active, and have good weights. Baby A is 3 lb 12 oz; Baby B is 3 lb 8 oz - right on schedule for growth. It is a good sign that their weights are staying so close together - that means they are sharing nutrients well.

I'll try to post a belly picture soon. I'm getting BIG! Last week my fundal height measured 37 cm (the equivalent of a 37-week singleton pregnancy).

Update weeks 28 - 30

2007-06-21T14:36:00.000-05:00

At my 28-week appointment, the babies weighed 2lb 11oz (Baby A) and 2 lb 8oz (Baby B). That's over 5 pounds of baby!

Baby A is now in a breech position (butt-down), and Baby B is transverse (sideways). They still have plenty of time to move, but I wouldn't mind if they turn head-down and just stay that way. The later it gets, the more crowded they are, and the harder it is for them to shift position. If Baby A isn't head-down when it's time for delivery, I will be having a C-section. I would strongly prefer a natural delivery, so please pray that they move into good positions soon.

My fundal height is measuring about 5 weeks ahead, and I'm definitely a lot bigger than I was at this point with Abigail. But people keep telling me that I look small for carrying twins.

At week 29, I started having Non-Stress Tests (NST's) twice a week. (The testing is just the normal procedure for twin pregnancies - it's not because of any complications or problems). I go into Labor & Delivery and they hook me up to a monitor that watches the babies heart rates. As long as everything looks good, I just have to be on the monitor for a minimum of 20 minutes. So far, they've been doing great. It's kind of a pain having so many appointments, but at least the nursing staff will know me when I come in to deliver!

My feet have started to swell on a daily basis. They feel squishy like jello on the tops, and I can feel them jiggle when I walk. Ewwwwwww!

My friends Song and Clarissa are throwing a baby shower for me on July 13.

We bought a minivan, so we now have a vehicle that will actually be able to hold our whole family (with all three carseats). Praise God for the way He provides for all our needs!

Belly update - 25 weeks

2007-05-20T00:19:00.000-05:00

Ultrasound picture and mini-update

2007-05-07T23:18:00.000-05:00

Baby A 1 lb 6 oz. Baby B 1 lb 5 oz. (On schedule for growth). I feel like I'm already getting really big. It's hard to believe that if these babies are born at a healthy weight, they will probably weigh more than 4 TIMES as much as they weigh right now! Oh, my poor belly is going to be huge!
*I just looked it up, and a normal singleton pregnancy would reach 2lb 11oz (my current total baby weight) around week 29. That means I'm currently carrying the weight of a singleton pregnancy that's five weeks ahead of me.*

Both Vertex (Head down). This is good. If they stay in this position, there is a better chance of avoiding a C-section when delivery time comes.

Everybody looks healthy! Yay!

Belly update - 23 weeks

2007-05-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

Here's the belly, at 23 (and a half) weeks.

Just for comparison...here I am at 23 weeks when I was pregnant with Abigail.

White Tulips

2007-04-16T00:07:00.000-05:00

20 weeks - update and belly pic

2007-04-15T01:15:00.000-05:00

This week's Dr. appointments confirmed that both babies are girls. Aaron is going to be really outnumbered! Everybody looks healthy. Baby A is 12 oz, Baby B is 13 oz.

My fundal height is measuring as though I'm 24 weeks. (I looked at my belly pics from Abigail's pregnancy, and I'm definitely bigger now than I was at 21 weeks last time.) I'm starting to feel extra tired again lately. My back pain is still there, but I'm being very careful about bending or lifting, so it is not too bad.

Sorry for the lack of bloggage lately. I really don't intend for this blog to consist entirely of pregnancy updates and spordic randomnity...but it is what it is.

Bloomin'

2007-04-03T16:13:00.000-05:00

Aaron felt one of the babies kick last night!

2007-04-03T16:03:00.001-05:00

The belly - 17.5 weeks

2007-03-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

Ultrasound pics

2007-03-24T14:50:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the ultrasound pictures. In case you can't tell, they show Baby B's profile, Baby A's face and tummy, Baby B's face and tummy, then Baby A's "gender determination" (in that order).

You can click on any image to view full-size.

Twin info I forgot to mention

2007-03-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

For those of you who like details...

The twins are each in their own amniotic sac, and they each have their own placenta. This means that it is more likely that they are fraternal twins (not identical). However, it is still possible that the twins could be identical. If we find out that Baby B is a boy, then they are fraternal, but if Baby B is a girl, they could be either.

One of the first questions that people have been asking is whether twins run in our family. As far as we know, there is only one set of twins within the generations of our family that are living today (Aaron's Dad's cousins - Pam and Penny). Apparently, each of us also has a great-grandmother who had a twin pregnancy, but neither one carried the twins to term. An increased likelihood for fraternal twins is genetically linked to the mother's history...so there is only one instance of a twin conception that we know of that is relevant to my genes - and it is a number of generations back. (From what I've read so far, it sounds like genetics are not thought to influence the likelihood of identical twins.)

Surprise, Surprise!

2007-03-22T01:28:00.000-05:00

WE'RE HAVING TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right. We found out during our sonogram today that there's not just "a" baby in there, but there are TWO babies! Twins!

Backstory (Some Cool History): Prior to my pregnancy with Abigail, we lost a baby to miscarriage (in 2004). Shortly after that time, Aaron and I both thought "It would be cool to have twins." So, we prayed and asked the Lord for twins. Clearly the Lord has answered that prayer. It was a little delayed from what we were thinking, and definitely came as a surprise, but it is like a kiss from God! He heard the cry of our hearts, and He answered with a double blessing.

Story (How We Got the News): Today was my first prenatal appointment. I am 17 weeks pregnant, so that's quite late to be starting prenatal care. We went in for a sonogram right away. (Aaron was there for that part of the appointment). The tech squirted the cold gel on my belly and barely even started to take a look at things. She probably had moved the wand around for about two seconds when she stopped, took a breath, and asked "Have you had any care yet for this pregnancy?" I responded - "No, this is my first appointment" - and in the mere seconds that it took for me to say that and for her to she speak again, I was thinking "Oh, Lord! She already saw something that she's concerned about? What on earth could be so bad that she would see it within two seconds??" Thankfully, she didn't wait to respond "Well. It's twins." Aaron and I both said something exclamatory, smiled, looked at each other, and grinned goofy grins. We kept saying "Oh my gosh, we're having twins!" while alternating between joy and shock.

Stats (The Basic Info): Both babies are looking healthy and are normal size. Probably about half a pound each. They are both measuring just a little bit ahead of their gestational age...just like Abigail did throughout most of my pregnancy with her. "Baby A" is a girl. "Baby B" appeared to be a girl as well, but it was less clear. We're going to wait for the next ultrasound and hope we get a better view before calling it for sure. My due date is August 28, but it's very rare for twins to go full term. The midwives would like to see me get to at least 34-36 weeks, so basically anytime after mid-July is the "safe zone" for delivery, so to speak.

Thoughts (Our Reaction): We were thrilled and shocked, all in a moment. Our overwhelming reaction is joy. We are so blessed, so excited. We're still thrilled, and still definitely trying to grasp the reality of it all. We are just starting to think about all that this means for our family. Our planning process will look very different that we thought it would. The arrival of two babies at once has some significant ramifications on the practical realm. And on the heart!

Prayers, please!: We would appreciate your prayers as the pregnancy continues. Of course, our first and foremost request is that both babies be born healthy, with no complications. I will share other specific requests as time goes on...but at this point, general "health" is pretty much what we want. In the practical realm, we will be needing to find a larger vehicle. We currently drive a little Hyundai Accent, which we love. But there is absolutely no way that we could fit three car seats in the back. We are praying that the Lord will provide the right vehicle, at the right time.

So, that's the big news 'round here! Thanks for celebrating with us!

I will try to find a way to post some ultrasound pictures soon.

Precious

2007-03-19T17:37:00.000-05:00

Ozark Beauty

2007-03-19T00:17:00.000-05:00

Signs of Spring

2007-03-16T23:09:00.000-05:00

Belly update - 16 weeks

2007-03-13T01:35:00.000-05:00

Things that made me smile in the past week...

2007-02-24T23:32:00.000-06:00

Abigail spontaneously running up and giving me big kisses on both cheeks.

Singing as a sub on two sets in the prayer room.

Thinking that maybe I felt the baby moving when I poked my belly.

The beautiful orchid that is blooming in my kitchen.

Weather that involved sunshine, and temperatures like this:

Driving a Bobcat for the first time. (I received only brief operating instructions over the phone, but managed to re-park the thing without hurting anything or anyone. Did I mention that I was wearing flip-flops? I'm sure that's a safety violation of some kind.)

Seeing the most beautiful rainbow while driving to the store. It was a supernumerary rainbow, with the whole arc visible, along with a vibrant secondary rainbow. I couldn't get a picture that really captured its beauty, but it was stunning.

Showing Abigail her first rainbow, and teaching her that a rainbow is a sign of God's promise and faithfulness; then hearing her say rainbow (maimbo) over and over for the next hour or so.

Family hugs and spending time with Aaron when he comes home from work.

Giving Abigail's head lots of kisses while she snuggled in my lap before her nap.

Abigail reaching up after those kisses and saying "pretty" while pointing to my cheek. She doesn't really know how to say "I love you" very well yet, but calling me "pretty" is close enough to melt my heart.

There's a baby in there!

2007-02-16T22:00:00.000-06:00

12.5 weeks

Smells Like Holy Spirit?

2007-01-14T23:53:00.000-06:00

If you asked me what kind of laundry detergent my grandparents used, I would not have been able to tell you. Until today. When I opened up a box of Tide powder (which I don't usually buy), it was like I was instantly transported to the basement of their house in California. Mmmmmm...the smell was like a warm hug from the past, bringing forgotten memories and sensory surprises.

Isn't there something about the sense of smell that's just mysterious? To my knowledge we have yet to create a recording device for aromas. There is no camera or tape recorder for odor. Smells are elusive, yet pervasive. They can be blissfully pleasing, or tearfully unpleasant. Most of all I am amazed at the ability of smell to immerse us in a memory of a specific time, place, or person.

So all this has me thinking...I wonder what the throne room smells like?

FYI/Update/Yadda, Yadda

2007-01-13T19:55:00.000-06:00

B-A-B-Y
1. I'm pregnant. Due Aug. 28. We're very excited.
2. I feel nauseous about 80% of the time, and on the verge of...well, I don't think I can type the word without getting sick, but it rhymes with "Gromit"... about once every couple of days.
2b. I have to eat about once an hour to keep the tummy grumbling to a dull roar, but if I eat too much, I have that awful over-full feeling for about 2 hours, until I can't decide if I'm still full, or if I need to eat again.
2c. I'm pretty much always tired. No more night owl 'round here.
2d. Other than the sleepiness and yucky tummy, I'm doing pretty good for a preggo.
3. I'm not quite 8 weeks along yet, and I already started wearing maternity pants.
4. The maternity pants are on not only because I'm already feeling a little full around the midsection, but also because I have yet to climb out from under the pile of dirty laundry that assaulted me soon after we returned from our 3-week vacation.
5. Visiting family for 3 weeks is fun, but coming home to a huge to-do list that wasn't finished before leaving is....not fun.

B-L-O-G-G-Y
1. All my old posts disappeared for a few days.
2. I didn't delete them - I just set them all to "draft". All 92 of them.
3. I've been having a little bloggy identity-crisis since around Thanksgiving (hence the lack of posting). "Clearing the slate" was one step short of deleting the whole blog...which I almost did a number of times.
4. I still can't quite decide - To blog, or not to blog? What to blog? How to blog? Blah, blah, blah.
5. I republished most of the old posts, and now I've edited this post, like, 3 times...so I guess that means I'm back to blogging.

"Pro-Life"?

2006-12-01T13:36:00.000-06:00

Recently, I heard someone make the following statement:

"I'm pro-life personally, but I don't think it's right to force my belief onto others. I mean, we all have free will so we should be able to make our own decisions, right?"

This is essentially the same position that I've heard other people take by saying,

"I would never have an abortion myself, because I think it's wrong, but who am I to tell other people what they should do?"

Let's be honest here. If that is what you believe, you are either a coward or you are by definition pro-choice, NOT pro-life.

A coward: if you truly do believe that abortion is wrong, but are unwilling to stand up for that belief by stating that it's wrong for other people too, not just yourself.

Pro-choice: if you really think it's best that people make their own decision about what to do with an unplanned pregnancy, and you consider abortion a valid option to consider. If you believe abortion is a choice best left to the individual to decide, then you are pro-choice, plain and simple. Claiming to be pro-life with this opinion is a complete fallacy.

I understand that there is a place of wrestling in between these two points, where
you really don't quite know for sure where you stand on the issue. There may be a sense of dissonance between what resonates as true (life is precious) and your lack of ability to articulate why you believe that. That kind of wrestling is not what I'm calling cowardice or lying.

I'm just saying - be honest with yourself. If you think it would be wrong to kill a baby in your womb, then abortion is wrong for other people, too. If you like to call yourself pro-life, but say that people should be able to make their own decisions, then you are saying that people should make the choice.......which means you're making a pro-choice argument. If you are uncomfortable with claiming the pro-choice "label" for yourself - why? Since that is inherently what you say that you believe, why do you want to identify yourself otherwise? Is it possible that you really don't think that people should choose to have abortions, but you just don't feel like you can tell them that? If that's the case, you're back to cowardice.

I am Pro-Life. Abortion is wrong. And I am not afraid to say so.

Giving Thanks

2006-11-24T00:34:00.000-06:00

This Thanksgiving Proclamation by George Washington is quite amazing. I heartily recommend that you read it carefully. This is what our Founding Fathers had in mind when a national holiday was set aside for giving thanks to Alimghty God. May we all have such reverence and gratitude in our hearts - today and always.

WHEREAS, It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor;

WHEREAS, Both the houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.
--George Washington - October 3, 1789

Strange but true

2006-11-10T01:21:00.000-06:00

I tagged myself by reading Everyday Mommy's "9 weird things" meme (which she ~~lifted from~~ discovered at GiBee's). I am sure I have plenty of weirdness to go around...here's my nine:

My left kidney was injured in a freak long-jumping accident when I was in high school and ceased to function thereafter. I now have one teensy-tiny kidney that doesn't work, and one super-size kidney that makes up the slack.
I was born in California, then moved to Oregon, then to Washington state. I always joked that I was either going to move to Alaska or become Canadian next, in keeping with the northward trend. But somehow I ended up in Missouri instead.
We do not own a television.
I lived in a geodesic dome until I graduated from high school.
I wear flip-flops basically year-round. I have worn flip-flops in the snow on numerous occasions.
I was a Campus Safety Supervisor in college. (Campus police, minus the weaponry. We had big flashlights and a hefty can of pepper spray - no guns. I never had to use my weapons, but sometims I got close.) Once, as the ranking officer on duty, I had to catch a bat that was flying around the all-girls dorm in the middle of the night, terrorizing the poor freshmen.
I can correctly spell antidisestablishmentarianism and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious without using spell check or looking at a dictionary. But sometimes I space out on how to spell friend or weird (which one is "ie", which is "ei"?).
I once cut a nerve in my finger and had to go to the emergency room and have surgery to repair it - all while I was dressed in a Pippi Longstocking costume, complete with huge shoes and braids sticking straight out the sides of my head.
I wear swim goggles when I cut onions to help reduce the burning-stinging-painful-crying ouch-factor.

Go and preach the Gospel

2006-11-08T12:05:00.000-06:00

BooMama (in Because I'm Wrestling) asked:

"is global mission work a non-negotiable for a believer? Is it something we should do because we're obligated to share the Gospel, or is it something we should do because we have been prompted by the Holy Spirit to serve in a specific part of the world? Is being "salt and light" in our day-to-day lives enough?"

My response:
I believe it is a biblical mandate that all Christians share the gospel, but not necessarily that each individual Christian must travel geographically to do so.

One of the scriptures that you quoted sums it up well..."Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ."

We should be always proclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom - everyday, wherever we are. In the store, at the daycare, at the bank, to our neighbors, to our friends, in joy, in sorrow, and of course, in our own homes. Yes, this is the essence of "being salt and light". But we (exhorting myself, here, too) need to be reminded that this inherently means that we actually tell people about Jesus and the Kingdom of God. Yes, we proclaim something of God's love in the way we act, how we speak to people, how we treat them...but that alone is not enough.

I do not believe that as moms we are exempt from the biblical call to "go", just because we are primarily focused on raising our own children. YES, they are our focus and first mission field, and we should not neglect our families for the sake of building up a ministry. But if we are paying any attention to the people around us as we go about our day, we will find plenty of opportunities to lift high the name of Jesus.

I think that often we interpret the call to "go and preach the Gospel" as referring exclusively or primarily to international missions because we are uncomfortable with the idea of sharing the Gospel in our own daily context. Walking as a witness for Christ daily requires that we live a life that is radically different from those who do not love God. It will require us to sometimes say things that offend people. Our nation is full of people who hate God and do not believe that they are sinful (or even that “sin” is a valid concept). The very essence of the Gospel is offensive to many. In some ways it is easier to consider the call to “go” as referring to missions trip type situations, because that would require only a limited temporal sacrifice, as opposed to a fundamental change in the way we live.

So, YES - you are mandated to preach the gospel, and to pray that the Lord of the harvest would send laborers to the field. But no, I don't think you are inherently called to travel across the world to do so.

2006-10-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

I seem to be incapable of putting an independent thought into writing lately. I have much rumbling around my heart and brain, but no outflow at the moment. When all else fails, quote someone else...

More from Von Balthasar's Prayer:

[God's] love is no mere diffused, all-pervading medium, dissolving everything in vague sentiment; on the contrary, it becomes present in the exact features of one very particular, historical Person [Jesus Christ]...it attains visibility in his very precise words, actions, sufferings and miracles. So all the world's inchoate love which feels its way toward God must allow itself to be transformed and integrated into the drama of this one, particular Person, in order, through him, to "enter heaven itself" (Heb. 9:24) (p. 57)

Of course, this would be impossible if Christ were a mere man: however perfect, he would always be simply one of us and nothing more. But since he is both the Son and the Word of God, he has the power to integrate us into himself as his "members", to integrate our finite persons - without destroying or endangering them in the slightest - into the life of his infinite Person. It follows that being "in" the Son as a member of his mystical body is much more than being granted access to God on the basis of any "merit", however infinite. It is this very access..." (p. 58)

The question "How can we hear God's word?" is answered thus: we can, because we are in the Word. Because the Word who became flesh takes us into himself giving his own self as our mode of existence. Grace has not imparted some general, vague, "supernatural elevation" to us, but a participation in the personal existence of the eternal Word of God, who became "flesh" like us so that we should become "spirit" in him, and who therefore "is able to help" us toward our "heavenly call", since he was "made like his brethren in every respect" (Heb 2:17 - 3:1) The grace which the Father gives us is christoform: it assimilates us to the Son without violating us as human beings - for the Son himself became a human being. (p. 58)

Chew on this...

2006-10-14T13:53:00.000-05:00

A bit of what I've been reading lately:

Hans Urs Von Balthasar, Prayer:

"In the life of the Church, contemplation is surrounded by an atmosphere of despondency and pusillanimity. We would like to pray, but we cannot manage it. Our time of prayer passes leaving us distracted, and since it does not seem to yield any tangible fruit, we are not loath to give it up. From time to time we take up a book of "meditations" which presents us, ready-made, with the contemplation we ought to produce for ourselves. We observe someone else eating, but it does nothing to fill our stomachs. We may have read his "meditations", but what we have done is spiritual reading - not contemplation. We have seen how someone else had encountered the word of God, we have even profited by his encounter, but all the same it was his and not ours - and we ourselves have achieved nothing. Often becuase we are too comfortable, which is something that can be overcome. And often out of a fearfulness which robs us of the confidence to take steps on our own." (p. 7)

Thomas Dubay, Deep Conversion/Deep Prayer

Normal people would tend to suppose that if a person basically loves God, is living in the state of grace and is therefore free from a serious alienation from God, his Origin and Destiny, he would be strongly committed to avoiding small offenses against this most magnificent of all loves. But the rude fact is that such consistency in the human race is rather rare." (p. 47)
There is a great gap for most people between prayer and performance. At our devotions we can say sublime things about loving God with our whole heart, and then ten minutes later divide that heart with selfish overeating - or any one of a dozen other petty clingings. (p. 49)
The gospel definition of love goes something like this: a self-sacrificing, willed concern for and giving to another, even if attraction and feeling are diminished or absent, and even if little or nothing is received in return - and all with divine motivation. (p. 68)
The gospel is not simply an improvement on secular-minded ethics. It is a revolution. (p. 69)
This new love is immersed in a prior love for God from whom all lovableness in creation and in persons flows. This is why when we love our neighbor as we ought we are loving God himself. He is always endlessly lovable even when the neighbor is ugly, hurtful, or an enemy. (p. 69)
We are born into this world utterly self-centered, and it is only after long struggling that some of us manage to get rid of it, partially or wholly. (p. 79)
When Saint Paul addresses the members of the early Church in Rome, he calls them "God's beloved" (Rom. 1:7). Since we are to love one another as the Lord loves us (Jn. 13:34-35), we conclude that other people are to be our beloved - in the most genuine sense of the word! (p. 87)
How does it happen that people who have given up deadly sins and basically do love God at least in some minimal way can yet continue to cling to petty selfishnesses even if only in three or four areas? Why do they cling especially in matters that concern interpersonal relations and the pleasures of a comfortable lifestyle?...I should like to think that this type of person usually does not positively decide "I do not intend to improve...I want my mediocrity...I don't want to get better."...but the fact remains that frequently in these people willed and habitual venial sins continue on in their lives. (p. 91)
"With divine aid, always offered but never forced, we can and should aspire to saintlinesss. This aspiration is called the virtue of magnanimity: aiming at doing great things for God and for those he loves so much - which means for everyone. (p. 92)
God pays us the compliment of calling us to live that life fully, perfectly, to be transformed from one glory to another (Mt. 5:48; 2 Cor. 3:18). We are meant to be filled with the utter fullness of endless Beauty...(Eph 3:19; 1 Cor 2:9) Willingly to be lagging on the way, knowingly to snuff out sparks of grace is an enormous reason for concern. (p. 93)
If husbands and wives really love each other and their children, the best and most effective proof that their love is not mere words is to get rid of their major and minor selfishnesses and to deepen their prayer lives...Outsiders can do us harm, but far greater damage is usually brought about by spouses who refuse to get rid of their sins. (p. 98, 99)
...humility offers practical know-how in solving wisely the thousands of nitty-gritty problems that come up in anyone's life, and espeically in one who is trying to avoid even small selfishnesses. (p. 100)

Psalm 45

You are fairer than the sons of men; Grace is poured upon Your lips; Therefore God has blessed You forever.
Gird Your sword on Your thigh, O Mighty One, In Your splendor and Your majesty! And in Your majesty ride on victoriously, For the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness;
Let Your right hand teach You awesome things. Your arrows are sharp; The peoples fall under You; Your arrows are in the heart of the King's enemies.
Your throne, O God, is forever and ever; A scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You With the oil of joy above Your fellows. (v. 2-7)

Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father's house; Then the King will desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him. (v. 10-11)

Matthew 4

...Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And AFTER He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He THEN became hungry. (4:1-2, emphasis mine)

Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. (4:4)

Matthew 5, 6, 7

So I can look back at this post and remind myself later...

2006-09-27T15:55:00.000-05:00

I recently filled out an application to join the Prayer Room Staff at IHOP (committing to 6 sets (12 hours)/week in the prayer room, and weekly attendance at FCF services). This is how I answered the first question: "Why are you interested in serving as Prayer Room Staff at IHOP-KC?"

I want to join the Prayer Room Staff as a formalization of my commitment to take my place on the wall of intercession here at IHOP-KC. One of the reasons I want to serve in this capacity is to make a public statement about the importance and relevance of non-full-time intercessors. Sometimes in our community where full-time intercessors are the “norm”, those of us who are primarily committed (in a practical/vocational sense) to the marketplace or raising our children can feel like second-class citizens when it comes to spiritual matters. Somehow, our presence in the prayer room tends to feel less necessary, because we are not able to give of ourselves in the same way as those who have been called to be full-time Anna’s in the House. Deep down, we know that our prayers still matter, they still stir the heart of God, they still fill up the bowls…but it’s too easy to feel that we are disqualified to truly carry the weight and burden of intercession. I know that raising my daughter absolutely does not disqualify me from having a vibrant life in God, or from having power upon my prayers to shift things in the heavens. But sometimes when I’ve spent all day changing diapers and scraping food off the floor, it’s hard not to feel like I am eons away from actually taking a vital role in walking out the promises God has laid before our community. Joining the Prayer Room Staff is a way for me to say to other moms or those in the marketplace: You are not disqualified! Pray where you are, give yourself wholly to God, and cultivate a spirit of prayer in the midst of your circumstances. And to myself: My prayers do matter, and my commitment to this House is not insignificant.

Cel-e-brate Good Times, C'mon!

2006-09-20T11:04:00.000-05:00

Last night I got blisters on my feet from this:

IHOP just celebrated its 7-year anniversary yesterday, and three days of festivities culminated last night with a massive Hebrew circle dancing session. What an honor and a privilege to be here celebrating, reminiscing, and re-committing with some of the most inspiring people I have ever known.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Name Change

2006-09-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

I finally did it - I changed the name of my blog. Somehow "Sarah's Other Blog" just didn't quite cut it for me anymore. I had never intended for that to be the permanent name for my blog, but just slapped it on there because I had to have some title. I have finally wearied of it enough to make a change. Henceforth, this little bloggy o' mine will be called:

Love Well

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind; Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commands. (Matthew 22:37-39)

The name is both a statment of who I am/want to be; and what I want to do. If someone were to ask me to explain the meaning of life in one sentence, I would answer this: To love well. The ultimate goal and purpose of my life is to grow in my capacity to give and receive love. I do not mean that as simply a trite statement. As I seek to live my life out of that reality, I am learning that loving well is hard. It does not happen on accident. It doesn't happen apart from the movement of God upon my heart. God IS love, so no amount of benevolent pleasantries on my part can actually manufacture love coming out of my heart. I cannot create God by the sheer force of my will. I can only love God because of the grace He has given me, enabling me to say "yes" to Him. I can only love my husband, my children, my neighbor, my enemies, if the love of God is filling me up and making me like Him.

I desire to be a person who is like a well of cool, refreshing water in the midst of a dry land. The only worthwhile water drawn out of the well of my life is the love of God. If I have not His love, I am empty, dry, and have nothing to give. When His love fills me until I overflow, only then do I have something to offer. I am a well of God's love, or I am nothing.

So whaddaya think of the new name?

On Alcohol and Money

2006-09-16T01:10:00.000-05:00

Heard on NPR on Thursday: This commentary, about a new study that asks - Does social drinking make you richer? Full text of the study here

Near the end of the piece, the commentator says:

"...this new study...should make us rethink all sorts of policies that cast a gimlet eye on drinking...If we want to follow as straight a path as possible to prosperity, we should think about ways to increase moderate social drinking." [emphasis mine]

Lord have mercy on any whose desire is "to follow as straight a path as possible to prosperity."

Hearing this piece and reading the study has helped me to see how self-seeking men can take moral issues and completely reframe them according to economic principles, thereby making their case for "liberty" with complete disregard for the fear of God. Their data does not prove their hypothesis (correlation does not imply causation), but even if it did, does that mean we should change social/moral policies in pursuit of cold, hard cash?

9 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (1 Tim. 6:9-10)

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also...24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. (Matthew 6:19-21; 24)

Levi Matthew, and thoughts on babies and fertility

2006-09-12T22:36:00.000-05:00

Our dear, dear friends Matt and Song had their first baby - a boy - on Sunday afternoon. Aaron and I met Matt when we were attending PLU. Since that time, we got married, moved to Kansas City, and had a baby. Then Matt and Song got married, moved to Kansas City, and now have a baby. It has been such a joy having dear friends from "home" here with us, walking a similar path and sharing in the journey. We are all far away from "home" and our families. We have shared history (oh, the history!) - with Matt in particular. Back in the day, Aaron and I led a young adults group that met in our home, and Matt was part of our "leadership team". (That sounds way too formal, but I don't know what else to call it.) His heart was so aligned with ours when it came to the passions of our lives - intimacy with God, prayer, and growing in the Word. He also had (and still has) a great sense of humor. When we announced that we were pregnant with Abigail, Matt sent us a prediction of what he thought our baby would look like. Recognize that face over there on the right? That would be Aaron, plastered onto a baby's body. The first time I saw that, I laughed so hard I cried

When we heard that Matt and Song were expecting a baby boy, I knew I needed to reciprocate the favor of Matt's photographic prediction. My creation is to the left.
I am happy to report that Levi Matthew was born Sept. 10, at 4:07pm, and my prediction did him no justice. He weighed in at 8lbs. 0oz., 21.5 inches (almost the exact same as Abigail). He is healthy (although he does have a little bit of jaundice. Pray that it is resolved quickly). Dark hair, dimples, long fingers, and absolutely A.DOR.A.BLE.

In fact, he sounds an awful lot like the description of Abigail at a few days old. We are sure they will be fast friends, as soon as he is old enough to defend himself when Abigail gets a little overzealous with her affection. We got to go visit him tonight, and Abigail was quite intrigued by this tiny, 2-day-old human. We didn't get a picture of it, but she kept trying to give him kisses. Abigail kisses involve a wide open mouth and lots of slobber, so needless to say, we did NOT let her kiss the newborn!

If you could read my thoughts in the picture above, I would be saying "Oh, I want another baby! Please, God, please, please, please. I'm ready. Let's go!" That's not quite a direct quote, but the yearning is definitely there. Do you know what happens when a woman who wants a baby holds a newborn? Oh, the longing!

(Warning: If you are male, or don't like reading about women discussing their fertility, stop reading here. You're likely to be uncomfortable, or just bored out of your mind.) I am one of those "lucky" women who doesn't seem to ovulate while nursing. At least, most of my friends say I'm "lucky" when I mention that I haven't had a period in over 2 years. I must admit, there is an element of convenience that I'm getting used to. But when you're ready for a baby, and your body shows NO SIGNS of being in baby-making mode, it can be a little disconcerting.

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed Abigail for at least a year, and I wanted to take my time weaning her. I guess I never thought about the fact that maybe I would want to get pregnant again before we finished that process, and that nursing could interfere with that. It seems even most women who exclusively breastfeed their babies still get on a regular cycle a few months after birth. Not so for me. I am operating on the assumption that it is the nursing that is preventing ovulation; primarily because I know it's possible, and because I don't really want to think about the other possibility - that my body just isn't operating the way it's supposed to.

Ultimately, we are fully trusting in God. We know He is the best leader over our lives, and we trust Him to guide us. He will release a child to us in His time. But I'd like that time to be sooner, rather than later, pretty please?

So for now our plan of action is to wean Abigail as soon as possible, while keeping with my "slow enough to not traumatize Mommy" pace. I'm such a softie. When she looks at me with that sad face and signs "Milk, milk, milk" I just melt. We're knocking out one feeding at a time because that's all I can handle! We only have the nighttime feeding left, and that's going to be a tough one to stop. We'll probably start working on it in the next few days/weeks. This was her second full week without her morning feeding, and she's still having a hard time with that.

So - my request: If any of you have any brilliant weaning tips to share with me, please do tell. What worked for you? What didn't?

A Tribute: Jeff Mladenik

2006-09-11T00:34:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday, September 11, 2001 Jeff Mladenik, along with co-worker Andrew Curry Green, boarded American Airlines Flight 11 and took his seat in Business Class row 11. The night before, as he spoke with his wife Suzanne by phone from a hotel in Boston, he said he was exhausted, had a headache, and was not looking forward to the cross-country flight.

Jeff had departed from his home in Hinsdale, Illinois (near Chicago) on Monday to attend a business meeting in Boston before flying to Los Angeles on Tuesday to fulfill his duties as interim CEO of eLogic, an internet publishing company. When he was selected for the executive position a few months before, he and Sue were not interested in relocating their children to California. At that time they had two daughters, Kelly, 21, and Grace, 4, two sons, Joshua, 18, and Daniel, 17, and a baby in China named Hannah, whose exact age is unknown. (Her adoption was under way when Mr. Mladenik boarded the plane on Sept. 11.) Instead of moving the whole family because of his promotion, Jeff regularly commuted to Los Angeles on Monday mornings, and returned home on Friday evening. Sue said he loved his family, did not like traveling, and was anxious for the weekly traveling to LA to end.

Jeff is described by friends and family as a man of strong Christian faith, godly character and strong integrity, who used the time on his frequent, lengthy air commutes to read his Bible. Beyond his roles as a husband, father, and businessman, Sue says "he would like to be remembered as a Christian who walked his faith every day and in every way". It was this Christian faith that prompted him to pursue his Masters degree in Theology, which he earned from Wheaton College in 1996. He joined the staff at Christ Church of Oak Brook on a part-time basis, where he taught a weekly young couples bible study class, and started the "Faith at Work" group. He was ordained in 1999 by the Conservative Congregational Christian Conference, and served as the Pastor of Workplace Ministries at Christ Church, leading discussions about faith in the workplace.

Sadly, the flight Jeff boarded on September 11 would not return him home safely to his family. When terrorists forcibly took control of the plane, Jeff was seated one row behind the last terrorist. A passenger two rows ahead of him was killed in flight - some speculate that he tried to stop the hijackers. At 8:46am, just over 30 minutes after the hijacking began, American Airlines flight 11 crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center in New York City. All on board, including Jeff Mladenik, were killed instantly.

In the midst of the chaos and turmoil, and even in the face of death, Sue is confident that Jeff's Christian faith sustained him. "I am absolutely certain that Jeff was calming the other passengers. He is the hero. He traveled with a bible and would have been praying with and for everyone."

Jeff's friend's echo her sentiments.

"You couldn't be around him without being affected by his enthusiasm for God," said Bill Cirignani, a friend from church. "I had been a Christian for six years, and had gotten stale, a little bit awry," but Mr. Mladenik, an ordained minister, reignited him, he said.
"He used his airplane time as his Bible time," said Cirignani, "And I'm sure Jeff would have had that Bible open when the plane was being hijacked and he would have been talking to those other passengers and praying with them."
Sue quoted another of Jeff's friends, who said "There is no doubt in my mind that right then, right there, Jeff had the presence of mind and took a plane load of people to Christ"

Writing a tribute to a man I have never met was an intimidating prospect when I first signed up for the 2,996 project. But if Jeff lived his life the way his friends described, it would have been an honor to know him. It has been an honor to learn about him and remember him today, on the 5th anniversary of this national tragedy. As you remember those who lost loved ones on September 11, please keep the Mladenik family in your prayers. I rejoice that as Christians, the Mladeniks have the ultimate consolation, Jesus Christ, as their source of peace and comfort. May they know His nearness to them today, and always.

*****************
Memorials for Jeff Mladenik can be made to:
Altrusa Foundation
attn: Peggy Gurrad
P.O. Box 1354
Longview, WA 98632

Altrusa, a not-for-profit agency, promotes orphanage assistance programs in China. One of their projects helps to sponsor children in Chinese orphanages, allowing them to study, gain access to medical care, and live with foster families. Over the years, Altrusa has helped thousands of children in China. Three of the Mladenik’s daughters, Grace, Hannah (whose adoption was in-process at the time of Jeff's death), and Bethany (adopted in 2004) were adopted from an orphanage in China. For more information about Altrusa, see their website at: http://www.altrusa.ws/.
*****************

Resources used and quoted in this tribute, and links to other tributes to Jeff Mladenik:

The Mladenik family web site

Dateline newscast: Interview with members of Jeff's class at church

Tribute from June2001 DTC (Dossier to China) group

New York Times Legacy Page

Another 2,996 blogger tribute to Mr. Mladenik

9/11 Commission Official Report

*****************
click here to read more tributes to the victims of the terror attacks of Sept 11

The Man

2006-09-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

While driving on Saturday afternoon, I noticed a van parked in a driveway on the right side of the road. The van's rear driver's side door was ajar, and next to the van was a person lying on the ground. It looked like a man, and he was not moving. I slowed down and tried to assess his condition with a quick glance. I wasn't exactly able to do an extensive visual triage while zooming past at 40-some MPH, so I basically had no more information than I did upon my first glimpse. He was making no signal of distress, but I couldn't imagine why he would be there by choice.

Questions started pouring into my mind - Is he hurt? Is he conscious? Is he alive? How long has he been there? Hasn't anyone else noticed him? Why hasn't anyone stopped to help him?

I looked for a place to turn around, and decided that if he was still on the ground when I got back to him, I was going to stop and help.

The questions kept coming - Maybe someone did stop, and he told them to leave because...I don't know...because he likes lying on the ground on rough asphalt? It sure didn't look like he was working on his car. He must be hurt. Why else would he be there? Could he be some psycho trying to trap someone by looking injured? I don't think so - Why would he do that on such a busy street? I can't just leave him there.

I turned the car around, and saw that the man had not moved. I pulled onto a side-street walked over to the man. As I approached, I could see that he was, indeed, hurt. His head was bleeding. He was frail, and the appearance of his face and body indicated that he had some sort of physical disability. As I came to his side I asked if he was alright, and what I could do to help him. My heart broke for him - lying alone on the ground, unable to get up, bleeding.

I touched his shoulder gently and said "I'm so sorry. You look hurt. How can I help you? What do you need? Do you need me to call an ambulance?" I could not tell how badly he was injured, but he was responsive.

He spoke softly, so I had to ask him to repeat himself. He said "The house. Please get someone from the house."

I asked him if he would be all right if I left him there while I ran to the door. He responded with a weak "Yes."

As I ran to the door, I prayed silent, urgent prayers. I was obviously concerned for this man's physical well-being; but even more than the physical injuries he sustained, I was wounded by the pain and loneliness that I saw as I looked deep into his eyes. I longed to just pray with him and tell him of the hope of the Cross. But in the moment, I knew he was probably more immediately concerned with getting up off the pavement and into the arms of people he knew and loved.

I knocked and called "Hello?"

I heard rustling inside. "Who is it?" (Were they were asking me, or talking to each other while looking out the open window?)

I spoke through the door - "There's a man in your driveway..."

I heard a female voice respond, "Oh, yes, I know," as the door opened to reveal a young woman, maybe in her late teens or early twenties. Her attire was... Middle Eastern? Indian? She appeared to be either Muslim or Hindu, based on her flowing garments and modest headscarf. My ignorance prevented me from a more accurate assessment, and the tension of the situation precluded any extraneous conversation.

They knew he was there in the driveway, but surely they didn't know...

"...he's hurt," I continued. "He fell and hit his head..."

A look of concern clouded her countenance as she began to make her exit through the doorway. "What? Are you kidding me?"

"No, he's bleeding. He needs help. He asked me to come get someone..."

She gasped a little as she bounded out the door and passed me in her haste.

Two young boys followed behind me as quickly we made our way down the path, toward the driveway.

The young woman reached the man's side just before me, and called to the boys, as she knelt beside him. "Get the wheelchair from inside!"

The man raised up a little and began to weep softly as she drew close. They spoke to each other rapidly, in a language I did not understand. As he leaned his torso against her, I could see blood on the ground from his side, as well as his head.

I was searching for words. "I'm so sorry. What can I do? I wish I could do more to help. I'm so sorry."

The young woman said apologetically "No, it's fine. Thank you so much. We'll get my mother. It'll be fine. Thank you."

I stood awkwardly for a moment as the boys rushed back with the wheelchair. The woman said again "It's ok. Thank you." In a tone that felt like she was asking me to leave. Not out of ungratefulness or anger, but...something else. A sense of responsibility for the accident, perhaps? Embarrassment that they didn't know he was lying there injured? In any case, I could feel that they no longer considered my presence helpful. I reluctantly made my way toward my car as they gingerly began to help the man get up.

That is the moment when my heart was torn in two. OH, how I wanted to stay. When I stopped, what I wanted to do the most was to pray for the man. Not just to pray a private prayer between myself and God, but to communicate something of God's love to him in a clear, tangible way. I wanted him to know that God loved him. That is why I turned around my car and came back. Yes, I wanted him up off the ground. But the deepest ache in my heart was that he would feel a touch from the Savior. I wanted to speak the words of Jesus over him. But in that moment, with their hurried voices in the background, I felt like an intrusion into a private moment of family crisis.

Should I have stayed? Should I have asked to pray silently beside them until the man was in the house? Should I have spoken and prayed boldly about the healing power of Jesus, even if such words would have been offensive and jarring in the midst of their pain? These are the questions that I carried as I began to drive away, and that linger still.

Look At Me! I'm a Human Pincushion!

2006-09-07T21:18:00.000-05:00

Abigail had a well-baby checkup and immunizations today. It was a little rough. She missed her 12 month immunizations (thanks to Yours Truly) - so today we had to do some catch-up. She had 6 (yes, six!) shots AND she had blood drawn for testing. The poor girl really was getting poked like a pincushion.

The sucker that she got in the lab helped her to forget about the pain. She really hasn't had much candy yet, and never a sucker, so this was quite the treat. As we walked to the car, I realized that I didn't want her alone in the back seat with the sucker. (Can you say choking hazard?) I pondered how to take the sucker away with as little trauma as possible, but I had no ideas.

Fortunately, when I put her in the carseat she became quite enamored by her band-aids, which were now in plain view and easily accessible. She actually dropped the sucker to investigate.

I snatched up the sucker and attempted to play it cool, but Abigail was on to my sly moves. She cried for a bit, but didn't get the sucker back until later in the day. She calmed down after not too long, and was soon zonked out in the back seat. She napped for a couple hours after we got home. A day like that is enough to tire a girl out!

Oh, for those who like details: Abigail is now 33 inches tall (98th %ile), and weighs 26lbs (84th %ile). Everything else checked out well.

The doctor made no mention of the heart murmur she heard at our last visit, nor did she say/ask anything about the testing she sent us to subsequently. She's not a bad doctor, but she hasn't exactly earned any brownie points with me, either. I can only remember one appointment when she actually asked "Do you have any questions?" Anyone in the KC Metro area know of a good pediatrician?

We're Back!

2006-09-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

We've actually been back home for almost a week, but I still feel like I'm recovering from all the travels. The inside of our car has yet to recover. I don't know if it ever will.

2 Parents + 1 Toddler + nearly 50 hours in the car in 10 days = dirty, dirty upholstery

For a photographic synopsis of the trip, with occasional commentary, see my posts over at Abigail's blog:
The Trip: Me Gusta Familia
The Trip: The Journey
The Trip: Starring...Abigail
The Trip: Love Me Some Cousins
The Trip: Who Needs Old Faithful When You've Got Cute Kids?

While we were enjoying the splendors of nature, I did take a short break to check email when we found a free wi-fi spot. I started to write a blog post, but was cut short before I had time to complete it. I started with this:

I’m sitting in the Jackson Lake Lodge, looking out the window at this:

(No, I did not take the photo. Click photo for source.)

Yes, it really is that beautiful. I LOVE MOUNTAINS! Did I mention that yet?

Many wondrous things have been created by the hands of men, but none of them compare to the masterpieces of The Creator Himself! It is wonderful to be back in the midst of such incredible natural beauty. Not that I'm knockin' on my hometown, KC. But it's not exactly the Miss America of states when it comes to the natural beauty realm. I mean, there's a reason why there are no National Parks in the state. I'm just sayin'...

Is Your God Too Nice?

2006-08-09T10:09:00.000-05:00

For her Tuesday Tossup yesterday, GiBee asked the question "Many Christians worship a friendly, gift-giving God, one who never challenges or requires anything of them. Is this the God we find in the Bible? Do you think the images we have and share of God are too nice? Have we "niced God up" so that others will be more willing to accept Him?" The responses I've read so far have been in pretty unanimous agreement that the "god who never challenges us and requires nothing of us" is NOT the God of the Bible. Here are my thoughts.

I do believe that God is friendly toward his friends (those who obey His commands, Jn. 15:14) and He is a gift-giver above and beyond anything we can ask or imagine. But, as has been stated here already, He is also, unequivocally, a God who challenges us and requires everything of us. (Remember that whole thing about "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me"? Yeah, methinks we have often forgotten about that, and the "loving not our lives, even unto death" part.)

GiBee asks "Have we 'niced up' God so that others will be more willing to accept Him?"

I believe the western church is greatly lacking a biblical understanding of God's judgment, and we (we=including me) need a revelation of the true complexity of God's character so that we walk in the fear of the Lord. Often, we treat God like He's an embarassing uncle. One that you know loves you deeply, but you don't really want to introduce your friends to him because he's not so good with "people skills". You know -the one who says things that we think are inappropriate because his opinion is so strong. We try to shove Him off in a corner so that He doesn't have a chance to say or do anything that might embarrass us, or offend our friends. If we do invite our friends over while he's visiting, we try to stick really close to the conversation so that we can quickly try to justify what he's saying when he starts offending people.

We think that we are kinder and gentler than God - as though we think that people are responsive to warm, fuzzy, easy Christianity - so we try to cover up the parts of His Word that seem too mean, too demanding, or just simply unreasonable. This is not only unbiblical, but it is also ineffective for truly making disciples of Christ. If this is what we are doing, it is counterproductive. People do not want to follow a God who is unjust. If God has no wrath against sin, if he is not grieved by the rampant wickedness in the world, then how can we trust Him? Although God's hatred of sin is offensive to those who desire to remain in their sin, it is life and freedom to those who put their trust in Him and walk in the grace He gives so that we are no longer enslaved to sin. People who do not walk with God are just as offended by the idea of a God who does not care about pain and suffering as they are by the accusation that they are wicked and unable to atone for their own sin.

Even knowing this, there are parts of God's character with which we simply don't know what to do. God's justice requires judgment on wickedness, and sometimes this judgment makes us uncomfortable. When was the last time you read an Old Testament passage like the story of Sodom & Gomorrah, or the sons of Korah, and thought to yourself (at least subconsciously) "I'm so glad that's not the God we serve anymore. I'm glad God doesn't deal with us so harshly." Well, guess what? The God of the Old Testament is the same God who we serve today!

By his mercy and longsuffering, we stand by grace through faith before His throne, because of the shed blood of Christ. But this very same God who loves us and accepts us as blameless because of the cross still has a controversy with the wickedness that rages in the earth. When the world is shaken prior to Jesus' second coming, we will see His judgment manifest on the earth in a way like it never has before. Are we ready? NO.

He will return as a righteous Bridegroom, King, and Judge, to set His King (Jesus) on the throne, decimating the wicked kings of the earth who have declared that they have no need of God. He will gather His beloved ones to Himself (those who have walked according to His ways and who loved His appearing) and He will give them the crown of righteousness and reward them according to their works. But to those who denied Him, those who lived lives of self-absorbed, sinful living, given over to the lusts of the flesh and idolatrous spirituality, to those He will give eternal fire and torment.

None of this negates the amazing, bountiful mercy of God. God desires to give mercy, even in the midst of judgment. We often think that we are comfortable with the mercy of God. But if we preach a "gospel" that does not contain a biblical understanding of God's judgment, then we are not truly preaching the Good News of God's mercy, either. Understanding the depth of God's mercy requires that we understand the depth of our sin, the height of God's holiness, and the lengths to which He went to bring us near to Himself. This mercy is available to all who would come to Him to receive it, and it does not run out, nor is it His "plan B" for when we blow it. I want to write more on that, so maybe my next post will focus on the mercy of God. Stay tuned...

A comment worth reading (I hope)

2006-08-03T03:24:00.000-05:00

I was planning to write something else here tonight (I mean, this morning, 'cause it's now 3am darnit) but I just used up all my allotted blogging time (and then some) leaving a comment over at kpjara's, on a post that is a week old. I had been thinking about the post ever since I read it, and I finally just made myself write the comment that had been stewing in my brain all week. I decided to share it here as well.

When you were discussing bearing fruit, you said "He wants me to get off my butt, recognize His purpose, and GO FULFILL IT!" I don't want to totally dissect that comment, so please forgive me if I am off-base with my understanding of your thinking. That statement sounded to me like primarily an exhortation to do the work of the kingdom in external ministry, and that understanding of the text is what I wanted to address. It's not wrong to look at this passage as a call to participate in practical ministry (that's probably the most common way that I hear the text preached). But, I don't believe that it really does justice to the context and full heart of the passage.

Now don't get me wrong – God is thrilled to have you on His team, and I think He does want your life to bring forth fruit of leading the lost to the Lord, ministering to the needy, etc. That being said, I think we do ourselves a disservice if a call to external service is all we take away from this exhortation.

I know (as I believe you also know) that the Lord has something more intimate in store for you than simply putting you to work in His kingdom. He desires to capture the affections of your heart and draw you into an intimate relationship with Him. One where your entire being is given over to Him in such a way that your life begins to look like His - not because you have beaten yourself into submission, but because you have found a lover who is better than any other, and His ways have captured your heart. In other words, that you would be filled with the Spirit of God, living a life displays the fruits of the Spirit in abundance.

It is the internal fruit of your heart that I believe is the heart of this passage. You were made to love God, and be loved by Him. This is both His primary purpose for your life, and His primary method of transforming you into His image.

On Responding in Meekness with Thankful Hearts

2006-07-25T10:02:00.000-05:00

I started writing a comment over at Susanne's post "A Matter of Perspective", but it was getting pretty long, so I thought it was more appropriate as a post of its own. Read her post first for the context of my thoughts.

Isn't it ironic how we often feel that as Christians we are "entitled" to material comforts, but we don't want to embrace the suffering and testing that the scriptures directly tell us to expect?

We are told "Do not be surprised if the world hates you." (1 Jn. 3:13, see also 1 Peter 4:12-19), yet we are surprised, and easily offended, and we get all bent out of shape when we are mistreated. We react strongly even when someone just cuts in front of us on the highway, or shortchanges us at the store, or overcharges us for services rendered.

These minor, random offenses are not even close to the kind of persecution for which the Bible tells us to be prepared. Regardless of whether we personally experience that kind of direct assault against us because of our faith, we are called to live lives of meekness, humility, and love even when faced with hatred. We should live our lives in such a way that we can look in the face of our accuser (even our exocutioner) and say in true love "Father, forgive them." If such an accuser never comes against us, Praise be to God. But if he does come, how can we be prepared to respond in the love of Christ?

Do I respond in bitterness and indignation at today's minor annoyance, but expect to be filled with humility, meekness, and longsuffering when it "Really Matters"? If so, I am deceived. I cooperate with the Holy Spirit's work in me by responding in obedience. If I have strengthened through practice the propensity of my flesh to respond in anger, then anger and resentment will fester and grow within me. The next time I am provoked, that is what will come out.

But if I seek to go low and let the Lord work humility within me now (by practicing walking in humility, meekness, forgiveness, thankfulness), then when greater offenses come, I will have the way of Christ established in my heart in preparation for that day.

Responding in meekness, with a thankful heart in the midst of all circumstances, is not only important to my present state of mind, but also for establishing a habit of obedience that will affect my future responses as well.

I Say To You...Watch!

2006-07-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

This morning the message at my church was titled "Understanding What Is Happening In The Middle East". The scripture was Zechariah 12-14, and it was an awesome message summing up some critical themes for understanding what God's Word says about Israel, the End Times, and the plan of God for the end of this Age and the transition to the Millenial Reign of Christ.

Much of the Western Church has long ignored this topic, but we can no longer afford to do so. If we desire to understand the heart of God toward humanity, we must receive a revelation from the Word about God's plan for the future. God's ultimate goal in the events which unfold on the earth is to fill the earth with voluntary lovers of Jesus. This seems like a very logical goal. But without an understanding of the scriptures, even believers who are passionately in love with Christ now may have a hard time understanding the events that God uses to lead the whole earth back to God when they begin to unfold.

You may ask - Why would this be confusing to a believer if they love Jesus? Hint: His plan involves A LOT of horrific things happening, and many, many people dying. (One-Half of the world population to be exact.) If we do not understand his purposes, we will easily be offended by His means.

If you are interested in learning more about these topics, I encourage you to watch the webcast of tonight's service. You can access it by clicking here. The web stream starts tonight at 6pm, and the message starts sometime between 6:30-7:00. Also, the notes are available by clicking here.

You may also want to check out one of these resources:

Your People Shall By My People (great book about Israel)

I will have more to say about Israel, the End Times, and the Lord's return in future posts, but I just wanted to put up a quick post to point you toward these resources.

Please prayerfully seek the Lord about this - ask the Lord to give you a revelation of His end-time plan through His Word, and then read the Word to see what he has to say. A great place to start is Matthew 24. The books of Revelation, Daniel, Ezekiel, Zechariah (chapters 12-14 are where we focused this morning), and Isaiah are also great places to dig deeper.

The Skinny on Body Image

2006-07-21T15:42:00.000-05:00

Speaking of teen conversations that proved my lack of coolness: A couple nights ago the girls were discussing the attack of American culture against their self-image, and they cited Hollister as an example. Being that I am completely out of touch with what is cool (hip? phat? What do teenagers say nowadays anyway?) I had to interrupt the conversation to ask "Who or what is this Hollister of whom you speak?"

Apparently Hollister is a clothing company whose sizes run extremely small, resulting in hordes of regularly-sized teenage girls feeling like they are being told: "You are too fat, and therefore uncool. We wouldn't let you wear our clothes even if you were willing to pay our exorbitant prices. We are for skinny, cool people only, so take your money and find somewhere else to shop, loser."

Maybe those aren't the exact words they used, but it's basically the sentiment they expressed. They felt like the standard to which they were being held in terms of body image was that of a waif. They said that they felt like the company doesn't want "bigger people" to be able to wear their clothes. Not being able to fit in the largest pair of jeans in the store made them feel unwanted, like they weren't good enough and something was wrong with them.

These girls are healthy and beautiful. They are not overweight (not that it would be ok to make them feel bad about it even if they were.) They should NOT be made to feel that they are somehow falling short, or not good enough, or that something is wrong with them, just because they are not a size 2.

Two of the girls specifically expressed a history of struggling with eating disorders directly precipitated by their low feeling of self-worth. One of the girls said that her dad used to chide her for eating too much, and warned her from an early age not to "get fat" because it would make life harder for her in the long run. Yeeeah, and you telling your daughter that "being skinny makes life easier" is really going to help things run smoothly for her in the body-image department? Not so much. (Sorry, I'm a little fired up.)

I am grieved by the pressure these girls are under, the images and messages they are surrounded by that say "You must be skinny, you must be pretty, you must strive to become attractive to guys." It's not just the issue of weight/thinness that is the problem - the whole realm of striving after physical beauty is just out of control. I'm not saying that we need to be walking around in burkhas so that we don't get caught up in our looks. It's not just about "accepting our bodies" or being comfortable in our own skin.

What grieves me the most about the situation is not just the expectations and attitudes that the culture is feeding to these beautiful girls. That alone is awful, but what do we expect from the unsanctified world, which has given itself over to the one who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy? We are fooling ourselves if we think that we can solve this problem by reasoning with its perpetuators (or its victims).

What weighs so heavily on my heart is that these girls were not just talking about not feeling pretty. They were talking about not feeling valuable.

This is a spiritual issue. It gets down to the very core of who we believe ourselves to be. I believe God has given us a desire for beauty - a longing to behold beauty, and to be beautiful. This is a godly desire, but one that is so often defined and 'fulfilled' unrighteously. We, as the church in America, are failing our youth if they are not anchored in the hope of their value and worth in Christ. Their hearts (and our hearts) need to be aligned rightly with the Word of God, and what He says about beauty. If they do not know that they are beautiful to God, and desired by Him, then we are abandoning them to the transient affections of this world.

It's not ultimately about whether my body looks the way I want. It's about whether I am someone who possesses beauty. It's not really about whether my skin is clear and smooth. It's about whether I am worth anything. It's not really about whether I can attract the attention of the opposite sex. It's about whether anyone who matters to me sees me as worthy of affection.

Lest any of you wonder: You are beautiful, you are desired, and you are worth it. God poured out the most extravagant display of affection in the world, when he poured out himself on our behalf on the cross. He did it all for love - because He loves you, and He desires your love in return. There is no greater consolation in life than knowing that the God of Creation is passionately in love with me. His heart is overwhelmed with love by even the slightest inclination of my heart towards Him.

If the truth of the love of God is alive in our hearts, only then an we understand the true beauty we possess.

You have ravished my heart with one look of your eye (Song of Solomon 4:9)

You are altogether beautiful, my darling. (Song of Solomon 4:7a)

The King greatly desires your beauty (Psalm 45:11)

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing; But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. (Prov. 31:30)

As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. (Proverbs 11:22)

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Tastes Like Jesus

2006-07-20T00:06:00.000-05:00

One of the teens who is living with us for three weeks gave me the grandest compliment I've ever received about something I cooked. As she ate some of my peach cobbler, she said

"Mmmmm...this tastes like Jesus. If Jesus had a taste, I think he'd be just like this."

How can you get any better than tasting like Jesus!?

Since I know you're all dying for the recipe now, what with it being so divine and all... Here is the original recipe from Bon Appetit magazine, (with my alterations/substitutions).

Fresh Peach-Vanilla Cobbler
2 ¼ cups sugar, divided
½ vanilla bean, cut into 1-inch pieces (I substitute with vanilla extract to taste)
5 pounds peaches, peeled, cut into ½ to ¾ inch thick slices (I don't peel them)
2 Tbl. plus 1½ cups flour

2¼ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
¼ cup whole milk
3 Tbl. triple sec or orange juice (OJ for me)
¼ tsp vanilla extract
¾ tsp almond extract (I hate almond extract. I use a little orange extract, or sub. with more vanilla)
6 Tbl. (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, melted

Preheat oven to 325*. Blend ¾ cup sugar and vanilla bean in processor until vanilla is finely ground. (If substituting with vanilla extract, process for a few seconds, until vanilla is well blended throughout the sugar). Sift vanilla sugar into large bowl. Add peaches and 2 Tbl. Flour; toss to coat. Transfer mixture to 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish. Bake until bubbling, about 25 minutes.

Meanwhile, whisk remaining 1 ½ cups sugar and 1 ½ cups flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda in large bowl. Whisk eggs and next 4 ingredients in medium bowl. Add to dry ingredients and whisk until smooth. Fold in melted butter.

Pour batter over hot peach mixture. Continue baking until topping is brown and tester inserted into center of topping comes out clean, about 45 minutes longer. Cool slightly and serve with vanilla ice cream or lightly sweetened whipped cream

WFMW: Teething Pain Relief

2006-07-19T07:22:00.000-05:00

As I have recently mentioned, Abigial is teething. If you have a baby/toddler like mine, you understand the daily trauma we endure - bite marks on everything (and everyone, but we're working on that), disrupted sleep, and sudden, intense crying followed by a swirl of activity in an attempt to remedy the situation. I used to find myself holding Abigail and attempting to console her while trying to encourage her to chew on a teething ring until the tylenol kicked in. I often felt that my attempts were futile, as nothing seemed to really kick the pain while it was peaking. But now, after some trial and error, I have found our "Holy Grail" of teething pain relief.

FROZEN GRAPES and FROZEN BANANAS

Oh, what joy I had the first time Abigail started gnawing on a chunk on frozen banana, and her face went from grimacing in pain to not-quite-smiling but really enjoying this yummy, soothing treat. The taste keeps her interested, and the cold helps soothe her gums. (Also a great thing if your child has trouble eating because of the pain - the coldness really helps.)
Now that Abigail has somewhat advanced eating skills, I just cut up the grapes or bananas into small pieces most of the time. But thanks to this awesome invention, I don't even have to do that. We always keep a "food feeder" in the freezer with a couple grapes or a chunk of nanner inside. (Click on the photo for more info. I usually buy mine at Baby Depot, but they can be found at many stored that sell baby supplies.) The mesh holder makes it safe for her to eat without fear of choking. She started using this as soon as she was able to hold it and chew solid foods. (The picture at the top is an old one, taken when she was about 6 months old.)

That works for me! Go see Shannon over at Rocks in my Dryer for the all-new and improved Works For Me Wednesday.

Walmart With Toddler, in Pictures

2006-07-18T00:19:00.000-05:00

I knew it was going to be a rough day when Abigail got ahold of my shopping list and immediately stuck it into her mouth, tore off a piece, chewed it up, and spit it onto the floor. All this happened in a matter of moments while I grabbed a bag of bagels for the four (yes, 4!) teenage girls that will be staying with us for the next three weeks.
Since when are her arms long enough to grab things out of the cart while she's strapped into her seat?

So, I'm walking by the candy aisle when I start thinking I'm smelling puke. No, wait, that's not quite it, but it's bringing up olfactory memories of having the flu. I literally stop and look all around me, trying to figure out what it is. I pinpoint the scent-reference: It's Pepto-Bismol. But there is none of the pink stuff in the candy aisle. It's really bugging me that I can't figure this out, so I literally walk slowly down the aisle smelling for the culprit. (If anyone was watching me leaning into the shelves to sniff the packages, I'm sure they thought I was nuts.)
Lo and behold, I found the impostor: Wint-o-green Life Savers. I will never be able to eat them again. (Not that I ever did in the first place, but NOW - ugh, queasy just thinking about it.) Don't believe me? Go get some and smell for yourself. I'm tellin' ya Pepto smell = Wint-o-green smell.

Obviously, the shopping list was not the only victim of Abigail's rampant teething tirade. Poor box-o-Eggos got snagged while I was reaching into the freezer for some juice concentrate.

When baby gets fussy, I start acting like the cart is some kind of carnival ride. Wheeeeee! We're driving like a race car! Wheeeeee! Mommy's standing on the bottom rack and rolling with you! Wheeeee! (Yeah, strangers are really starting to look at me now - but at least it keeps Abigail from screaming like a banshee because She. Wants. OUT. NOW! Notice that in this picture there are no hands on the handle of the cart. Abigail is rolling freely down the aisle, with physical control of the cart completely relinquished to the forces of gravity, momentum, and the crazy wheel that won't go straight. This is the height of fun, people. She could cruise like that for hours. Her big smile is so cute, it almost made me forget that shopping with a toddler is work. Almost... But alas, we must go check out. And just when we were having so much fun.

Checking out is pretty much always a nightmare, because Abigail despises being still for more than two seconds at a time. Sitting still is bad enough. But sitting still in a cart that's not moving - torture! Being the genius mother that I am, I decide to let her play with the first item that I scan - give her something to keep her busy while I scan and bag the week's rations, you know?

(Yes, I'm a self-checkout junkie. Nobody packs my groceries the way I like them except for ME. I pack those babies full. Why is it that every time a cashier bags my stuff I end up with, like, 6 bags for 5 products. C'mon people - A plastic bag can hold more than three cans of juice! Anyway, back to the saga...)

So I scan a 64 oz. bottle of juice and set it in the cart next to her. I'm thinking - it's plastic, she can chew on it but can't get it open, it's perfect. Silly Mommy obviously didn't think that one through. Plastic bottles don't break like glass when they hit the floor, but they still bust open. That's about 20-some ounces of Welch's White Grape Cherry juice all over the floor. Oh joy!

We survive the check-out, but Abigail hasn't had enough fun yet. We have to stop and say hello to Barney. I don't feed the monster quarters, I just let her climb up on the seat. She has no idea that this thing moves if you put money in it - she just likes to sit there and turn the steering wheel. If I have anything to say about it, she'll never see Barney in action, and therefore I will never have to hear her beg me for a quarter to ride.

We make it to the car and I'm putting groceries in the trunk when I realize that when the juice-incident took place, I never found the lid for the bottle. Now I have an opened, 2/3-full bottle of juice with a busted spout. But by golly, I bought the juice so I'm taking it home. Improvisation is a required skill for motherhood. I managed to get the juice home without spilling a drop or staining my pants (or should I say, without staining my pants more...there's that nice peanut butter spot on my thigh.) Back home in the driveway, I did manage to spill the juice onto the roof of the car when I set it there to get Abigail out of her carseat. But it was a little spill, and it only dripped onto the seat a couple times.

Tomorrow, we tackle Costco.

Christina, Part 2

2006-07-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

Updated on 9/2/06 to add: Christina has now been in Iraq for a couple weeks. Please continue to pray for her as I requested below. Here's some of what she said in her most recent email:

"It is hot here but not as hot as it was in Kuwait. I would ask for prayer with relationships at work. Seems everyone is rubbing each other the wrong way, and issues that were a problem in the rear are magnified here... I feel as though the Lord has placed me in the place that I will grow the most, yet I do not like it. It is trying emotionally and spiritually. Pray for working relationships with those I work with. Pray for my unit and the Soldiers that they would see the Lord through this. Thanks"

Original post:

You guys are all so sweet for your kind comments on my first post about Christina. Now here comes the part where I ask you to do something for me…

When I started writing yesterday, I had one very simple goal in mind. But as I wrote, it just didn’t seem write to ask for your help without giving you some insight into why I cherish this friend so dearly. Now that you’ve “met” her, I would like to solicit your prayers on Christina’s behalf.

Christina is a 1st Lieutenant in the U.S. Army. In two weeks she will be deployed to Iraq, where she will be stationed for the next year. I do not have words to express how I feel about her departure.

All I can say is – Will you please pray with me?

Pray for her physical safety, of course.
Pray for her faith to be steadfast in the midst of trials and intense pressure.
Pray for her mind and emotions – that God would give her comfort and encouragement, and clarity of thought.
Pray that she would know the love, joy, and peace of Christ, even in the midst of war.
Pray that she may be strengthened with power through the Holy Spirit in the inner man. (Eph. 3:16)
Pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to her a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him; that her eyes may be enlightened, so that she will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. (Eph. 1:17-19)

Pray, pray, pray and pray some more. And then keep praying for the rest of our soldiers – friends, family members, and loved ones – who are engaged in this battle.
Pray that the word of the Lord may run swiftly and be glorified, just as it is with you, and that they may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith. Pray that the Lord who is faithful, will establish them and guard them from the evil one…May the Lord direct their hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ. (2 Thess. 3:1-5)

While you’re at it, don’t forget to pray for our enemies, too. God’s desire is that none would perish apart from His saving grace made available through the cross of Christ. Pray that their hearts will turn in repentance, that they will cease their rejection of the One True God and instead embrace in humility the mercy and justice of God, made evident through Christ.

Ok, now I’ve got myself all worked up. I need to go pray. But I want to say one more thing before I go:
Christina, I am so honored to be your friend. You are a strong, courageous, and sensitive woman of God. You are the Beautiful Daughter of the Glorious King, and the very Beloved of the Most High God. He is and will be your shelter in the storm, your strong tower, and your refuge. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you, May the Lord look upon you with favor, and give you peace.
I love you.

Christina, Part 1

2006-07-14T03:07:00.000-05:00

Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.

Meet Christina. She is my one of my bestestest friends in the whole wide world.

Lovely Miss Christina and I met 8 years ago. We got thrown together when we both joined a women's bible study on our college campus. I was newly saved, and highly un-sanctified. Christina had little patience for my tales of woe regarding the trivial, worldly concerns with which I was consumed at the time. Christina was bubbly and energetic in her faith. I found her to be infuriatingly cheerful and a little too eager to please.

Needless to say, it was not love at first sight.

Don't get me wrong, we never had any intent of malice toward one another. We saw each other as sisters in Christ and did our best to encourage and edify one another. But in the midst of that, it was also pretty clear that we often rubbed each other the wrong way. The. Wrong. Way.

I talked too much. About unimportant things. And cared too much about boys.

Christina was too loud. She sang to herself. And talked to herself. Loudly. In Public.

Despite our differences, we continued to try our hand at building a friendship. The road was bumpy, with the occasional head-on-collision.

Case in point: Christina was understandably frustrated by what appeared to be my utter disregard for the virtue of modesty during the early months of our ~~accidental companionship~~ friendship. Prior to encountering the Lord during the middle of my freshman year of college, I was rather preoccupied with garnering and keeping the attention and affections of the male gender. I was not promiscuous, but I liked to feel wanted. Despite my desire for subtlety, certain pieces in my wardrobe reflected that desire a leeeeeeetle too much. So, one day as we were leaving to go to dinner, Christina looked at my outfit and said “You look trashy – I’m not going to dinner with you dressed like that!”

Oh, no, wait. That’s not what she said.

She was genuinely appalled at my choice of attire, but showing appropriate restraint she probably said gently, “Are you sure that shirt isn’t too tight/too revealing/too (enter immodest adjective here)?” I tried not to be offended, but my worldly mind wanted to scream – “EXCUSE ME? You dare to question my judgment?” After a moment of internal debate, I knew that she was completely right. I acquiesced and changed my clothes before heading to dinner, and a short while later I threw away the offending shirt.

So began the next chapter of our friendship. For some reason, God made us vulnerable to one another. We were aware of each others’ weaknesses and needs, and we didn’t always like what we found in each other, or in ourselves. As I spoke, I could practically feel her picking up on what was happening under the surface my heart, and as we spent time together, I got pretty good at reading her heart too. The amazing part was this: Although we were uncomfortable when the capacity for sinfulness found lurking in our hearts was revealed, the Lord was teaching us to speak the Truth in Love, and receive godly correction in humility. We cared for one another deeply, even when we were annoyed up to our eyebrows.

Soon, we were unfolding the deep places of our hearts to each other, and finding not only weakness and need therein, but also beauty, joy, and love. Somehow, through the rocky beginnings of our friendship, we had each become lodged deep within the others’ heart. We were bound in a friendship like none other I had known.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Prov. 27:17

Christina is now serving our country as an officer in the U.S. Army. She is stationed in Iraq. Please see Part Two>>>> to join me in prayer for her.

On Adoption

2006-07-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

Kelsey Bohlender of Stuff I Think 2 gave a powerful teaching about the spirit of adoption. Please click here to listen to the audio verson online. This message is timely, powerful, moving, and convicting. Here are some of the points that stuck with me:

Abortion advocates argue that if abortion was not a legal choice in America, then thousands of babies would be unwanted and go into abusive situations… What would happen if a million families in the church in this nation adopted one child? The accusation would be stopped. They could no longer say that children would be born into unwanted situations.

The adoption service the Bohlenders are working with said there are many, many babies available for adoption in the US right now. They said “If you have a home study done, I can place you within two weeks if you’re open to race.” Are we ready to welcome all babies who need a home – including those who don't look like our biological families, or the crack babies, or the ones with health problems?

The system is sick – it costs a lot of money to save a baby. But one has to wonder if God is allowing that because he’s asking us: Will you put your money where your prayers are? Are you willing to do something that costs something?

Adoption is an active, tangible means of spiritual warfare.

Kelsey and her husband Randy (of stuff I think) are currently pursuing adoption of a baby. They have stood in the place of contending through intercession for the ending of abortion in America for years, and now they are "putting their money where their prayers are". They are raising funds to pay for the (expensive) adoption process. Please consider joining me in supporting them through their adoption benefit dinner.

Meme Me

2006-07-05T15:07:00.000-05:00

My friend LammyAnn tagged me with my first meme ever. She asked three questions (kinda random, but I like 'em) so here's my answers:

1. Do you think anyone with a desire to create is an artist of sorts?

There is the desire within all of us to create. In some way, deep down inside, everyone wants to create something beautiful, meaningful, and significant. For some, that desire may be expressed through a tangible medium like paint, clay, music, or words. Others work to craft and mold their relationships into works of art, caring for the people around them with tenderness and wonder. There are as many expressions of this desire as there are people on the earth. I believe that this is for one reason - because we are made in the image of THE Create-or. As God has crafted and molded each one of us out of His desire, so we too have desire residing within each of us that longs to create something beautiful, something that will linger in our wake.
So, does this common desire make every one of us an artist? No. I believe that we all have the capacity for art if we dig deep enough into our soul, but this capacity is not always realized. According to Visual Thesaurus an artist is "a person whose creative work shows sensitivity and imagination". When our desire is fleshed out in creative, sensitive, imaginative work - any type of work (physical, intellectual, relational, whatever) - that is when we become an artist.

2. What frightens you the most about getting older?

The capacity for sin within my heart. Wrinkles. Boys getting crushes on my little Abigail. Aaron dying before me. My parents dying. Seeing people that I know die without finding salvation in Christ, especially if I feel like I neglected to share the Truth in love with them at every opportunity. Not in that order! =)

3. When was the first time you travelled by air? Where did you go?

My uncle Tom (who has recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer - please pray for him.) was a pilot who probably took us on a short flight in a little plane at some point in time. But I don't really remember that, so I'll tell you about my first real flight.

When I was a freshman in high school I qualified to compete at the National FBLA conference. The conference was in Anaheim, CA. The week before the conference I was on a mission trip in Tijuana, Mexico building houses for Habitat for Humanity with my church youth group. On our way back from Mexico, the church van dropped me off at the Anaheim Hilton and I spent the next week there for the conference. (Nothing like going from the slums of Tijuana to the lobby of the Hilton for a reality check about American affluence and apathy toward the poor. Unfortunately, I was too excited about the sweeeeet swimming pool to fully appreciate the lesson at the time.) So, anyway, to get back home after the conference, I took a commercial flight, by myself. From LA to Portland (Oregon). The next flight I remember taking was also by myself, from Oregon to Iowa. I got lost and almost missed my connection in the Minneapolis airport. Not that you asked or anything, I'm just reminiscing here...

**Edited to add: I forgot to tag anyone, so here goes...I'm tagging kpjara (who I met at the KC Bloggers luncheon and is sometimes mistaken for the Great Kazoo, I mean Gazoo) and her sister - do you use your real name online? - (who I also met at the lunch, and who has an awesome testimony of being healed of terminal cancer. Read about it here and here.) Play along if you want to! **

You Say It's Your Birthday?

2006-07-03T00:03:00.000-05:00

Saturday can be summed up in just a few words: I slept. I puked. I slept more. Baby puke. In my bed. GROSS! Thank you Jesus for my wonderful husband. That's all I have to say about that.
Sunday we were all feeling much better. A little rough around the edges, but well enough to go feed the fish at the lake. (Read all about it over at Abigail's blog.)
Tonight, I got my best birthday present at the Sunday evening FCF service. Derek Loux was sharing about how we can be prepared to stand in the Day of the Lord's return. When turmoil breaks out upon the earth and the majority of humanity considers Christianity dangerous, a threat, an enemy of the state; when martyrdom is not just something that happens in China, or Indonesia, or Iran, or "somewhere else"; when saying "Yes" to Jesus may mean literally giving up our life; How will we stand as the great and terrible Day approaches? I was gripped by the Lord with renewed sobriety about the hour in which we live. I was humbled and brought to tears knowing that Abigail's preparation for the Lord's appearing will be determined in large part by how Aaron and I raise her now. Will she be rooted in the Word? Will she have a life of prayer? Will she be unoffended toward God and love Him through the worst this world has to offer? Nothing makes me more resolute in my determination to seek Him wholeheartedly than the knowledge that my diligence to pursue Him is vital for my children's future. I suppose some would see it as a weakness, that I need this external motivation to prod me to run after God. But I, I see it as a gift. He has given me the gift of renewed passion, a heart stirred with longing for my Beloved. I see my weakness, my utter frailty apart from Him. And I am once again set in place, with my eyes fixed upon Him, knowing that He is my hope and my salvation. He is the One for whom my heart yearns. And that, my friends, is a gift.

When It's All Coming Down

2006-06-27T09:24:00.000-05:00

These two women have some great thoughts to share about the relevance of eschatology (the study of End Times...aka. when Jesus returns). This is not a subject that we can afford to neglect in the education of our children, or in our own life!

Kristi talks about her first eschatology lesson with her two-year-old daughter.

It was in the fear of the Lord that I proceeded to tell her that she very well might be alive and see Jesus return to the earth with her own eyes. I then told her that Jesus will come back to the earth and be a king. Her response? "That will be fun!" Yes, my dear little one, it sure will be fun. If you're reigning with Him, that is. Out of the mouth of babes......

Kelsey has some great comments about the importance and relevance of the book of Revelation

Intimacy with God is cultivated when we read the judgments of God devotionally...this was the Lord's intention all along. ...They are not separate messages, but one whole package. When John was given all the details in the book of Revelation, it did not produce confusion or conflict - it produced a cry.

For the Want of a Shower

2006-06-26T23:40:00.000-05:00

There are three 16-year-old girls sleeping in my living room. They will be here for three weeks. We already have the three adults and one baby in the household. We have one shower. You do the math. (Good thing I usually shower at the gym.)

Speaking of showering at the gym, I would like to publicly acknowledge my immense indebtedness to Miss Karen who runs the "Tot Drop" at our local community center. For a mere $2/day (that's less than a cup o' java, yo'!) I can enjoy up to 2 hours of Mommy time while Abigail ~~tries to steal toys from other children~~ learns valuable social skills. If it wasn't for Abigail's affection for Miss Karen, I don't know if I'd ever get a shower, much less any other time for myself.
As long as Abigail cooperates, I have a pretty good system figured out. While Abigail is playing, I go ride the stationary bike. Why the bike, you ask? I know, I know, the elliptical machine is much better for my knees, and I could get a full-body workout. BUT, if I'm riding the bike I can actually read my Bible and pray during my workout without falling off the machine. Any other time of day, if I try to sit down to read, Abigail tries desperately to grab my Bible from my hands. I mean, I'm glad she loves the Word and all, but she's already ripped out Acts 5&6. I don't really want her to "love" my Bible in such a physically destructive manner, so I tend to keep it out of her arm's reach. The spiritual/physical workout combo is not only practical for the safety of my favorite book, but it also has the catalytic effect of keeping me engaged and consistent. Having my blood pumping from working out helps me to stay alert and really absorb what I'm reading. And, if I am getting really excited about what the Lord is saying to me, I end up getting the workout of a lifetime, because I don't even think about how hard I'm pedaling - I just go for it! Yay for multi-tasking!
So, after my workout, I wander back by the Tot Drop to make sure Abigail is doing ok. (I don't let her see me, of course. If she catches a glimpse of me at that point it's game over. Time to go home.) So long as everything is peachy, then I'm off to the shower. I sometimes even have enough time to do my hair, put on my makeup, and look generally presentable before leaving. Hurray!

Blameless? Who, me?

2006-06-21T16:01:00.000-05:00

I'm chewing on this today, care to join me?

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
Jude v. 24-25

Oh Lord, it is You who are able to keep me from stumbling . Not my own strength or desire, nor any system of accountability, but YOU Lord. Your Spirit within me, Your voice behind me, Your Word before me. These promises are what I cling to when the ground is shifting beneath my feet. Or rather, these are the things that lay hold of me and tarry within my soul when I begin to stray from the narrow path.
Oh, God, who am I, that I should approach the Eternal Flame? I, who was dead, dead, dead. How can I gaze into the Infinite Beauty of Holiness? But you gave me life, life, life and have brought me near. Am I really here? Is my dwelling place with the Most High God? Oh, Lord, how I long to stand in the presence of your glory. I want to be counted worthy. It is only by Your blood that I stand blameless. Washed clean and clothed with Christ.
Oh, to be with you. This is what I'm longing for. For what else could my soul yearn? There is none like you. None other so Holy, none other so Kind. None other is Worthy. Now and Forever. AMEN!

A blog of my own

2006-06-13T23:45:00.000-05:00

Somehow I've morphed over the last few months from just a proud mama showing off pictures of her firstborn into a wanna-be blogger, writing more and more about myself than I ever intended to on a blog that's supposed to be just about pictures of my baby. I've decided it's about time for me to get my own space, and get my thoughts out in the open. Not that I have anything all that eloquent to say, but by golly when eloquence comes out, this blog will be there to catch it!