I woke up this morning after having a horrible, horrible dream that left me feeling emotionally raw and vulnerable. I felt totally slimed, and desperate for Light and Truth in my heart.
Crying into the cereal as I put the bowls in front of the kids. Totally broken.
Turned on a movie, told them “Do not get up until Veggie Tales is over”, and went to catch my breath.
Asked some friends and my hubby to pray for me.
Grabbed my bible and put my heart before the Lord asking “Please, please meet me. I won’t make it through this day without your touch.”
And…
He did. God is so faithful. He met me. He lifted the cloud of heaviness and brought peace.
God is real. His Word is true. I have nothing to offer but ashes and filth. But Jesus brings beauty to my broken, stained heart.
Friday, August 06, 2010
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
More (mostly questions) on Economics and the Kingdom of God
A friend posted a link to this article on Facebook, and it really got me thinking (again) about economics and the Kingdom of God. Learning about the global economic situation and fiscal policy makes me fall in love with Jesus in whole new ways and want to peer deeper into the workings of the Kingdom. Man's feeble attempts to right the sinking ship that we've built seem like so much thrashing about in an ocean of greed, selfishness and pride. Seeing brilliant and powerful people scramble to avert a disaster of our own making makes me tremble a little, and then I remember – He’s coming!
What will global economics look like when Jesus reigns on the earth? What is the fiscal policy of Heaven? I don’t mean those as just rhetorical questions…I really want to know. I’ve looked some at what the Word says about personal finance, but lately I’ve been listening to NPR’s Planet Money podcast and it makes me realize that I have very little understanding of what God (the best economist) would really say about the systemic problems contributing to national and international-level economic crisis.
One the one hand, it seems so simple – we should love each other, walk in humility and generosity, and not do wicked things like putting people in financial slavery. But even good intentions don’t always make good policy. To really institute a global economic system functioning on the basis of love, humility, generosity and righteousness, it takes perfect leadership over individual hearts and perfect administration on a massive scale. In other words, it takes Jesus, reigning as King.
So, here in the waiting, what does that mean for me (or for us, the global church)? What’s my relationship to the economics of this world? I want to understand how we got to where we are now, and whether there is anything of redeeming value in our current system. Is it so full of decay that it will all just be tossed on the burn pile of eternity? Or is there any shred of true provision left within the framework that we’ve constructed? I wonder if we’ve tried so hard to manufacture our own provision and security that we have essentially cut ourselves off from the provision of Heaven on a widespread level. I mean that in literal, earthy terms. How much faith have we placed in the sustainability of our global economic system? If that system collapsed next year, how would the Church respond? How would I respond? Am I living today in a way that agrees with God’s economy or fights against it? Is the church at large really walking in the Gospel of the Kingdom? Do we even know what that looks like?
What will global economics look like when Jesus reigns on the earth? What is the fiscal policy of Heaven? I don’t mean those as just rhetorical questions…I really want to know. I’ve looked some at what the Word says about personal finance, but lately I’ve been listening to NPR’s Planet Money podcast and it makes me realize that I have very little understanding of what God (the best economist) would really say about the systemic problems contributing to national and international-level economic crisis.
One the one hand, it seems so simple – we should love each other, walk in humility and generosity, and not do wicked things like putting people in financial slavery. But even good intentions don’t always make good policy. To really institute a global economic system functioning on the basis of love, humility, generosity and righteousness, it takes perfect leadership over individual hearts and perfect administration on a massive scale. In other words, it takes Jesus, reigning as King.
So, here in the waiting, what does that mean for me (or for us, the global church)? What’s my relationship to the economics of this world? I want to understand how we got to where we are now, and whether there is anything of redeeming value in our current system. Is it so full of decay that it will all just be tossed on the burn pile of eternity? Or is there any shred of true provision left within the framework that we’ve constructed? I wonder if we’ve tried so hard to manufacture our own provision and security that we have essentially cut ourselves off from the provision of Heaven on a widespread level. I mean that in literal, earthy terms. How much faith have we placed in the sustainability of our global economic system? If that system collapsed next year, how would the Church respond? How would I respond? Am I living today in a way that agrees with God’s economy or fights against it? Is the church at large really walking in the Gospel of the Kingdom? Do we even know what that looks like?
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Love of Money links
My post below reminded me of a great, great, great series that my friend Suzanna wrote recently. I urge you to set aside some time to sit and read and prayerfully consider her words
1. Oh, how I love…money?
2. Love of Money - Part 2
3. Love of Money - Where We're From
1. Oh, how I love…money?
2. Love of Money - Part 2
3. Love of Money - Where We're From
On Prosperity and the Kingdom
I've been thinking a lot lately about economics, personal finance, and the kingdom of God. So when I read Kristen's post Why is America blessed?, I already had a lot on my mind.
She begins by asking "Why does North America have so much, while the rest of the world has so little?" She references a comment she received on a previous post that pointed out the possibility that affordability or frugality may be inadequate standards to determine the appropriate boundaries for our spending. Then she asks "Why do you think America is so blessed? Is it so we can build a greater country or is it for us to help that tiny continent and others like it...and make HIS glory known?" That was all the invitation I needed to jump into the discussion.
I think that many things we generically think of as blessings (the relative ease of our lives in America and prosperity we enjoy, for example) have insidious backsides on both the personal and global level. Ease, prosperity, and comfort tend to breed entitlement, pride, and selfishness in hearts untempered by the grace and fear of God. Globally, our relative prosperity has not come without a price. Our insatiable appetite for bigger-better-faster-more has certainly had implications on lands and peoples across the world, and the influence has not been entirely good.
Beyond that, I'm not convinced that our prosperity is going to last indefinitely, despite the fact that most people are living like it will. I read an excellent post about that issue yesterday, referring to our current way of life as the next bubble to pop - along the lines of the stock, dot-com, and housing bubbles that have rocked our economy in the past. (Read "Pop Goes the Lifestyle")
As far as what to do with abundance when it comes our way - I believe that we should be living lifestyles of generous, extravagant giving, regardless of where we fall on the income bracket. In seasons past, that may have looked for me like writing a check to help buy medical supplies for an impoverished community. Recently, that has looked more like keeping the employees of our business working and paying them fair wages, even when we have to get food from the food bank (and then sharing some food bank food with a friend who had even less than we). My global impact financially may be small right now, but I want to build a lifestyle of giving NOW, so that when abundance comes, giving grows naturally.
Ultimately, I think the cry of Kristen's heart for justice (and so many others who join with her) echoes the cry from the very throne and heart of God. It’s no accident that the question comes down to one thing – the glory of His name. On the surface, the disparate distribution of wealth among the nations appears to be an economic and moral issue, but there’s more to it than simply fairness or generosity. The inability of nations to care for and about one another in a meaningful way on the global level highlights the most desperate need of the human race – a King who is righteous and true, full of love and compassion, who loves to give good gifts and make us righteous and honest and loving and compassionate and all of the things that we simply are not without Him. That’s what the Gospel of the Kingdom is all about – Jesus coming to make wrong things right. And there is something *wrong* with a world where so many live in absolute poverty, and we care so little.
She begins by asking "Why does North America have so much, while the rest of the world has so little?" She references a comment she received on a previous post that pointed out the possibility that affordability or frugality may be inadequate standards to determine the appropriate boundaries for our spending. Then she asks "Why do you think America is so blessed? Is it so we can build a greater country or is it for us to help that tiny continent and others like it...and make HIS glory known?" That was all the invitation I needed to jump into the discussion.
I think that many things we generically think of as blessings (the relative ease of our lives in America and prosperity we enjoy, for example) have insidious backsides on both the personal and global level. Ease, prosperity, and comfort tend to breed entitlement, pride, and selfishness in hearts untempered by the grace and fear of God. Globally, our relative prosperity has not come without a price. Our insatiable appetite for bigger-better-faster-more has certainly had implications on lands and peoples across the world, and the influence has not been entirely good.
Beyond that, I'm not convinced that our prosperity is going to last indefinitely, despite the fact that most people are living like it will. I read an excellent post about that issue yesterday, referring to our current way of life as the next bubble to pop - along the lines of the stock, dot-com, and housing bubbles that have rocked our economy in the past. (Read "Pop Goes the Lifestyle")
As far as what to do with abundance when it comes our way - I believe that we should be living lifestyles of generous, extravagant giving, regardless of where we fall on the income bracket. In seasons past, that may have looked for me like writing a check to help buy medical supplies for an impoverished community. Recently, that has looked more like keeping the employees of our business working and paying them fair wages, even when we have to get food from the food bank (and then sharing some food bank food with a friend who had even less than we). My global impact financially may be small right now, but I want to build a lifestyle of giving NOW, so that when abundance comes, giving grows naturally.
Ultimately, I think the cry of Kristen's heart for justice (and so many others who join with her) echoes the cry from the very throne and heart of God. It’s no accident that the question comes down to one thing – the glory of His name. On the surface, the disparate distribution of wealth among the nations appears to be an economic and moral issue, but there’s more to it than simply fairness or generosity. The inability of nations to care for and about one another in a meaningful way on the global level highlights the most desperate need of the human race – a King who is righteous and true, full of love and compassion, who loves to give good gifts and make us righteous and honest and loving and compassionate and all of the things that we simply are not without Him. That’s what the Gospel of the Kingdom is all about – Jesus coming to make wrong things right. And there is something *wrong* with a world where so many live in absolute poverty, and we care so little.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Someday...
Someday my house will seem too quiet, and too-loud voices at naptime would be welcomed as joyful company.
Someday I’ll be washing laundry only for two, and the absence of muddy tights & stained white dresses will only follow the absence of the wearer.
Someday I will have abundant time to myself, where I can read|work|think|pray without interruption, and I will long for the surprise of toddlers too-soon awake.
Someday the thought “I just wish I could have two hours to myself!” will be replaced with “I just wish we could have two hours all together!”
Someday I will miss this.
Someday I’ll be washing laundry only for two, and the absence of muddy tights & stained white dresses will only follow the absence of the wearer.
Someday I will have abundant time to myself, where I can read|work|think|pray without interruption, and I will long for the surprise of toddlers too-soon awake.
Someday the thought “I just wish I could have two hours to myself!” will be replaced with “I just wish we could have two hours all together!”
Someday I will miss this.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Conversations with Abigail: Does Mr. Obama believe in God?
I had an awesome conversation with Abigail while driving to a birthday party this weekend. I think I would like to start blogging some of my conversations with her in order to practice communicating around questions like: How do we teach & talk to our young children about God? How do we communicate about complex concepts with children in a way that is biblically honest, but still accessible?
In this conversation, a few of my strategies are evident:
#1 - I take her questions seriously. If she asks a question, I want to give it a real, robust answer. Usually if she asks something, she’s ready to hear the answer. I try not to make it black-and-white if it’s not. I want to give the nuance, the subtleties.
#2 - I want to teach not just right conclusions or right thinking, but godly processes. When she asks “Does Mr. Obama believe in God?” She does not need me to recruit her for a political agenda. She needs me to help her walk through the murky waters of “What does it mean to believe in God? How do I know if someone else believes in God?” If I make a judgment of any kind on another person, I am not only telling her what I think, I'm teaching her how to judge. I want her to understand the process, not just the conclusions.
#3 - If a scripture comes to mind, it’s usually the Holy Spirit – so I go with it and see where He takes us.
While I drove her to a birthday party, Abigail asked me “Does Mr. Obama believe in God?”
We talked about believing in the idea of “a god” vs. trusting in Jesus as the fullness of God revealed in flesh and our only way of salvation, as well as having a biblical understanding of God’s character and His kingdom. I told her that although Mr. Obama says he believes in God, some of the things he says and does don’t agree with the bible. I told her that specifically I have heard people say that he doesn’t believe that Jesus is the only way for people to know God. If he thinks people can know God, live righteously, and or go to heaven without trusting in Jesus, then He doesn’t trust in the God of the bible that we know.
So then she asked “Mommy, sometime can we go to the White House and talk to Mr. Obama?”
I told her maybe we could go there sometime, but that doesn’t mean we’d be able to talk to him. I explained that since there are so many people in our country, not everyone gets to meet the President.
Abigail: “Can we call him on the phone?”
Me: “Hmmm…maybe. I’m not sure how that works. Maybe we can look up the phone number some time. What would you want to tell him?”
Abigail: “I would want to tell him about righteousness and Jesus and truth. If he doesn’t know Jesus I want to tell him about Him.”
Me: “That’s awesome, Abigail. What would you say to tell him about those things?”
Abigail: “I don’t know. I don’t know what I would say.”
As she said that, a scripture popped into mind. (You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you*).
I told her that it’s ok that she’s not sure exactly what she would say. I told her that we want to know the scriptures and know the voice of the Spirit, so that no matter where we are or who we are with, we will be able to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying and speak those words boldly.
Conversation to be continued…
*What I was actually thinking of was Matthew 10:18-20, but I didn’t know the specific verse. As I was talking to her I got my passages mixed up and used the language of Acts 2:4 “as the spirit gave them utterance”…which is actually directly relevant later in our conversation.
I also got the context wrong. I was thinking Acts 4: 8 “Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them…”). But the Matthew 10 exhortation was actually Jesus speaking to the disciples.
And I got the main characters wrong. I said I thought it was Paul before some Roman leaders (Acts 24-26).
Although I didn’t have all my biblical references precise in my mind, I had the biblical principle right, and I think that’s most important. Now that I have looked up the references, I can go back and talk through it with her again – showing her where Mommy was off, and talking about how Jesus taught his disciples ahead of time to prepare them for the trouble that was coming. Also, showing the multiple occasions where this principle was walked out by the disciples.
I added the * explanation to demonstrate how rigorous theological discussions with our kids do not have to be limited to a context where we have all the knowledge and resources at our fingertips. Bringing the scripture into this discussion was important and valuable, even though I got some of the references jumbled.
When I return...a conversation about tongues & interpretation with a not-yet-5-year-old
In this conversation, a few of my strategies are evident:
#1 - I take her questions seriously. If she asks a question, I want to give it a real, robust answer. Usually if she asks something, she’s ready to hear the answer. I try not to make it black-and-white if it’s not. I want to give the nuance, the subtleties.
#2 - I want to teach not just right conclusions or right thinking, but godly processes. When she asks “Does Mr. Obama believe in God?” She does not need me to recruit her for a political agenda. She needs me to help her walk through the murky waters of “What does it mean to believe in God? How do I know if someone else believes in God?” If I make a judgment of any kind on another person, I am not only telling her what I think, I'm teaching her how to judge. I want her to understand the process, not just the conclusions.
#3 - If a scripture comes to mind, it’s usually the Holy Spirit – so I go with it and see where He takes us.
While I drove her to a birthday party, Abigail asked me “Does Mr. Obama believe in God?”
We talked about believing in the idea of “a god” vs. trusting in Jesus as the fullness of God revealed in flesh and our only way of salvation, as well as having a biblical understanding of God’s character and His kingdom. I told her that although Mr. Obama says he believes in God, some of the things he says and does don’t agree with the bible. I told her that specifically I have heard people say that he doesn’t believe that Jesus is the only way for people to know God. If he thinks people can know God, live righteously, and or go to heaven without trusting in Jesus, then He doesn’t trust in the God of the bible that we know.
So then she asked “Mommy, sometime can we go to the White House and talk to Mr. Obama?”
I told her maybe we could go there sometime, but that doesn’t mean we’d be able to talk to him. I explained that since there are so many people in our country, not everyone gets to meet the President.
Abigail: “Can we call him on the phone?”
Me: “Hmmm…maybe. I’m not sure how that works. Maybe we can look up the phone number some time. What would you want to tell him?”
Abigail: “I would want to tell him about righteousness and Jesus and truth. If he doesn’t know Jesus I want to tell him about Him.”
Me: “That’s awesome, Abigail. What would you say to tell him about those things?”
Abigail: “I don’t know. I don’t know what I would say.”
As she said that, a scripture popped into mind. (You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you*).
I told her that it’s ok that she’s not sure exactly what she would say. I told her that we want to know the scriptures and know the voice of the Spirit, so that no matter where we are or who we are with, we will be able to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying and speak those words boldly.
Conversation to be continued…
*What I was actually thinking of was Matthew 10:18-20, but I didn’t know the specific verse. As I was talking to her I got my passages mixed up and used the language of Acts 2:4 “as the spirit gave them utterance”…which is actually directly relevant later in our conversation.
I also got the context wrong. I was thinking Acts 4: 8 “Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them…”). But the Matthew 10 exhortation was actually Jesus speaking to the disciples.
And I got the main characters wrong. I said I thought it was Paul before some Roman leaders (Acts 24-26).
Although I didn’t have all my biblical references precise in my mind, I had the biblical principle right, and I think that’s most important. Now that I have looked up the references, I can go back and talk through it with her again – showing her where Mommy was off, and talking about how Jesus taught his disciples ahead of time to prepare them for the trouble that was coming. Also, showing the multiple occasions where this principle was walked out by the disciples.
I added the * explanation to demonstrate how rigorous theological discussions with our kids do not have to be limited to a context where we have all the knowledge and resources at our fingertips. Bringing the scripture into this discussion was important and valuable, even though I got some of the references jumbled.
When I return...a conversation about tongues & interpretation with a not-yet-5-year-old
Saturday, May 01, 2010
What does it mean to do all things to the glory of God?
I don't think the biblical exhortation to do all things "as unto the Lord" or "for the glory of God" is talking about doing things well, "trying our hardest" or achieving any specific measurable standard of excellence. We don't glorify God by being good at stuff. I think it's about giving Jesus the preeminence in all things, and doing all things in fellowship with Him.
Our work matters, and to do it with apathy or to avoid it does not bring glory to God. But I don't think the cure for apathy, laziness, or hiding our talents, is to try harder or to aim for objectively measurable excellence. I think as we are in fellowship with the Holy Spirit, He will lead us into meaningful, fruitful work which will glorify Himself. But if our eyes are fixed on excellence as the goal, even in a desire to bring glory to God, we are likely to miss the heart. I think the motivation is the key, not only for our own hearts, but also for the way we transfer expectations onto others.
I have lived different sides of this - pursuit of excellence that led to perfectionism, pride, and condemnation; shame when I felt like trying my hardest was killing me and producing only failure; apathy when I didn't know what to do so I would just do nothing; desperation when I realized apathy was killing my heart...I'm now in a place of seeking, asking - What does it really mean to glorify God? If I totally screw up can God still be glorified in me? I know He can. So how is that different from when I don't screw up? Am I doing something more "unto the Lord" if I am exerting more effort at the task? What about the result - is God more glorified if it turns out awesome? What if it turns out awesomely awesome but I wasted a whole bunch of time making it the most awesomest thing ever? How does my mindset affect how I use my time? Does doing something “as unto the Lord” mean that I take more time and make it better, or take less time and worry less about answering to someone else’s standard in order to devote myself to tasks of greater importance? Or (more likely) does it all just depend on the specifics of the situation? Are these questions that can be answered objectively, or is there a God-breathed rhema word for each individual in each moment?
I don't have many clear answers, except "Abide in Me, for apart from Me you can do nothing." So that's where I'm at. Although even that is a question in my heart "So, Lord, by abiding in You, what exactly does that mean for me right now? Am I abiding in you by reading Your Word right now? Or would abiding look like being faithful to my obligations by doing the dishes right now? Or is abiding an internal state that isn't conditional upon my tasks? So can I "abide" and do whatever I want as long as I'm thinking about You? If I can't do whatever I want, then what, precicely, is the boundary of "abiding?"..." And on, and on, and on. All I know is that I need Him. And needing Him gives Him more glory than being good at stuff
Our work matters, and to do it with apathy or to avoid it does not bring glory to God. But I don't think the cure for apathy, laziness, or hiding our talents, is to try harder or to aim for objectively measurable excellence. I think as we are in fellowship with the Holy Spirit, He will lead us into meaningful, fruitful work which will glorify Himself. But if our eyes are fixed on excellence as the goal, even in a desire to bring glory to God, we are likely to miss the heart. I think the motivation is the key, not only for our own hearts, but also for the way we transfer expectations onto others.
I have lived different sides of this - pursuit of excellence that led to perfectionism, pride, and condemnation; shame when I felt like trying my hardest was killing me and producing only failure; apathy when I didn't know what to do so I would just do nothing; desperation when I realized apathy was killing my heart...I'm now in a place of seeking, asking - What does it really mean to glorify God? If I totally screw up can God still be glorified in me? I know He can. So how is that different from when I don't screw up? Am I doing something more "unto the Lord" if I am exerting more effort at the task? What about the result - is God more glorified if it turns out awesome? What if it turns out awesomely awesome but I wasted a whole bunch of time making it the most awesomest thing ever? How does my mindset affect how I use my time? Does doing something “as unto the Lord” mean that I take more time and make it better, or take less time and worry less about answering to someone else’s standard in order to devote myself to tasks of greater importance? Or (more likely) does it all just depend on the specifics of the situation? Are these questions that can be answered objectively, or is there a God-breathed rhema word for each individual in each moment?
I don't have many clear answers, except "Abide in Me, for apart from Me you can do nothing." So that's where I'm at. Although even that is a question in my heart "So, Lord, by abiding in You, what exactly does that mean for me right now? Am I abiding in you by reading Your Word right now? Or would abiding look like being faithful to my obligations by doing the dishes right now? Or is abiding an internal state that isn't conditional upon my tasks? So can I "abide" and do whatever I want as long as I'm thinking about You? If I can't do whatever I want, then what, precicely, is the boundary of "abiding?"..." And on, and on, and on. All I know is that I need Him. And needing Him gives Him more glory than being good at stuff
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